Why God Took So Long To Give Me A Baby

God gave me you

I was painting in the garage, and she was drawing a rainbow on the cement floor with chalk when she said, “I’m glad God gave you to me as my Mommy.”

I wasn’t ready for it. “What?” I asked, making sure I heard her right. She tried to say it again, but her words came out a little more awkward this time, and she said something like, “I’m happy your’e my mommy from God.”

Tears filled my eyes.

Then she prayed, “God, thank you for giving my mommy to me. And thank you (I couldn’t understand this part.) And thank you, she makes me breakfast. And thank you we’re going to make pumpkin spagotti (biscotti). I hope it tastes good. Do you think it will taste good, God?”

Then she opened her eyes, and went back to drawing her chalk mural–while my eyes blurred with tears, and a huge lump came to my throat. Where did that come from?

She’s three…and I didn’t know her little heart could hold such gratitude. Or that it would just burst out of her, during this subtle moment in the garage. Or that she would thank God, outloud, for me, right then.

Usually, she doesn’t even want to pray out loud–even with me encouraging her.  But today she felt something inside her.

Something beautiful.

Her little heart can hold more love than I often know.

Her little mind…is not so little as I think it is. She thinks far beyond what I would expect.

“Thank you, Selah,” I said, smiling. “I’m so glad God gave me you as my daughter.”

I would have hugged her right then, if my hands didn’t have white paint on them, and if there wasn’t so much junk between us on the floor. The drawers I was painting, and an old wooden chair.

“Did you have to wait a long time for me Mom?” she asked. (I have told her the story many times, but she wanted to hear it again.)

I stepped across the junk on the floor and came a little closer to her. “Yes,” I said. “I asked God for a baby over and over again. But He didn’t give me one for a long time.”

“And when me and Daddy found out you were in my tummy, we were so happy!” I told her.

“Do you know why God took so long to give you a baby?” she said.

“No, honey,” I said. “I don’t know.”

“I know why,” she said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because…He was making me,” she said.

He was making me.

I looked into her deep blue eyes, that seemed to know something from another world, and her blonde tossled hair russled in the breeze. And in that moment, she seemed a thousand years old.

He was making me. 

And that answer was enough. And my heart resounded with the truth of it, “Of course He was. Of course, that’s exactly what He was doing, Dear One.”

Because now that I know her, and know how special she is–it only makes sense, that it took so long. I don’t know what God was doing with her up there. There is just something about her, that seems as if she spent a long time on God’s chest before coming to mine. Almost as if heaven didn’t want to give her up.

Selah. 

And I say this with tears, to you, barren ones…

Who are waiting for your baby prayers to be answered.

Who are praying every day for God to give you a baby. To give you life.

I don’t know why it’s taking so long. 

I don’t know if He will give you a child through your womb, or through foster care, or adoption.

But either way…if you are waiting right now, and you don’t know why it’s taking so long.

Maybe it’s because God, the Maker and Giver of Life and every living thing…is still in the process of making your baby.

We can’t even begin to comprehend what is happening in the heavenlies, in the unseen, and what, or who He is forming. 

His ways are not like ours. His timing is not like ours.

And perhaps if He’s moving so slowly, and He’s taking so long… It’s because He’s forming something so breathtaking and beautiful…it cannot be rushed.

He is in the process of forming a masterpiece. 

And maybe one day, a little masterpiece will stand before you and say, “I know why God took so long to give you a baby.”

And you will say, “Why?”

And they will say,

“Because…

He was making me.” 

103 thoughts on “Why God Took So Long To Give Me A Baby

  1. Thank you ladies for sharing your story Rebekah!

    5 years TTC
    3 years an infertility patient

    6 failed rounds on Femara with IUI
    10 failed rounds of Injectables with IUI
    6 failed rounds of trying to get to IVF
    1 whopping failed IVF cycle.
    4 more months trying to get to IVF. All in vain.

    Then the truth. Dr.’s advice this past July. Quit or donor egg.
    Undetectable AMH.
    DOR.
    Poor responder.
    Produces zero quality eggs even on the highest and most aggressive protocol.
    Too old.

    Chance of success even with IVF and all aggressive techniques applicable was less than 1 percent!
    Chance of success on my own of conceiving naturally? Laughable. Just the thought. Never.

    Bled aggressively all summer long. Had to take a break off all meds.
    August came. Pregnant. Natural pregnancy. What?? The shock. I prayed hard. So hard but it was not His time.
    Chemical pregnancy.

    September comes. Period is 4 days late. Doing the unthinkable. Running a pregnancy test so that I can finally finish my last IVF cycle and move on with my life. After all, we paid for 2 cycles up front.

    Run the test. Negative. Husband looks at test. “Hun, I’m sorry, it’s negative.”

    Lay the test on the counter, it’s one of the cheap Dollar Tree ones. Revisit test in an hour and look again. Still negative.

    Wait………

    Hold the test at an angle and then I see it. The HCG strip was hidden under the opaque plastic. It was positive all along!

    Call the office. The shock of all, especially after a chemical pregnancy the month before. After all, this is the woman who can’t get pregnant. Medically impossible. Put on guard…do not get your hopes up.

    Not me. I’m a woman of faith. God can.
    First HCG 444
    Second 1790
    Fantastic numbers.

    Right after being told I had zero percent chance with my own eggs, I got pregnant 2 months in a row naturally on zero drugs.

    And the second pregnancy? I’ll be holding this miracle in May.

    I stand in awe of The Great Physician. His Love. His Timing. His Grace. His Mercy. Because not only did He give me this child in my womb, but He’s not making face another hopeless IVF attempt.

    Tomorrow I go for my first sonogram, praying they see what they need to see to confirm pregnancy but trusting Jesus. He’s got this. This is the power of prayer. 5 years of it.

  2. Pingback: His Promises are True | childlike hope

  3. I love this. We tried for so long and were told we wouldn’t have a baby. Was so heartbreaking. We finally had our miracle. He is the best thing ever. I realized we had to wait so long because we were just waitong for him to be ready to come to us.

  4. Yes, our children ARE a gift from God !
    He alone could create such a miracle !
    God waits until he knows we are truly
    ready to put his miracle in our care….
    be they born to us or sent to us in other ways.

  5. Amazing timing for me. I was just staring at my 7 week old daughter (my first rainbow girl after losing my first daughter to SIDS) and was whispering to her how much I love her and how I’ve been waiting for 9 years for her to come. I then thanked God for the gift that have been bestowed upon me, including the wait for my baby girl ❤

  6. Very touching! Sadly, I’ve miscarried every one of my babies. I stopped counting at Ten. Had a death sentence with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer at age 41…God healed me. I turn 60 in 2 weeks…& for the most part I don’t morn much anymore. For the most part…

  7. I totally believe in Him. It’s all in his hands, just keep the faith. My heart pours out to you. What a beautiful mother you will be???

  8. Thank you that was perfect I needed this I’ve been losing my ways over not having a baby thinking that God isn’t giving me a baby because I’m with the wrong person or I might have something serious wrong with me or just maybe he don’t see me fit! But this answered my question why it has taken 3 years for me not to have a baby!☺️

  9. Beautiful beautiful…. i can relate i will soon share my story! I always wanted too do this! I waited along 11 years… for my special Angel. Dont ever give up… keep on believing … #teary#

  10. Thank you have been waiting 8 years. 2 or 3 through trying on our own, 3 through adoption never had a match, and the last two months started fertility treatments. It has been so painful at times. Finally feeling god’s peace and giving it over to god. Thank you for remembering those waiting on their miracles. 2 of my friends shared this with me. So beautiful what your daughter said.

  11. I was never supposed to be ABLE to have a child, according to the Professionals..It took a long time, but I have her, and now she has one, too. My Daughter is my MIRACLE BABY! and IS SHE EVER A MIRACLE! So is HER LITTLE GIRL! BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!

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  13. I waited 21 years and I have no doubt that God’s timing and plans were perfect! His birth mother told me that it was God’s plan for me to be his Mom and He used her to give me this Miracle…Oh how I love my heavenly Daddy who made me Sammy’s mommy! Truly humbled and blessed. No words…just a grateful soul that He picked me!

  14. Just out of curiosity, how do you pronounce Selah’s name? My daughter’s name is Selah and we pronounce it “See-la” emphasis on the first syllable and no one ever says it right the first time. Is that how you pronounce hers?

  15. My heart is breaking not only because this this is a beautiful story but also because my husband and I have been begging God for a baby every day. I have faith we will have a child one day there is no way God put us two amazing people together to not allow us a child. We will continue to pray and wait for our child.

  16. Just as many of you I also have desired in deepest of my heart to have children of my own, feel as the miracle of life is created in my womb…we tried from the simplest clomid meds to injections we decided not to do ivf as if it was meant to be God would make it happen as the God I serve is Greater then any Doctor or procedure but even then I already knew God’s purpose in our lives was to Adopt as he had revealed in to my spirit two yrs after marrying…. I tried so hard for pregnancy to happen not accepting God’s Will in my life, tears ,prayers and more tears and prayers until I gave in to adoption but not just any adoption but the one that causes fear of the unknown and the known throughout the system of Foster care the one where you know the children are full of trauma from the womb and from the life experiences they never chose for themselves from abuse, drugs,sexually abused,physical and emotional abuse that’s where God took me….and even after starting the class I questioned God why…and All I got back was “why not”….after completing the course with my husband we were matched 2 wks within ….even the social worker and case managers didn’t understand how it worked out that quick but I knew that God was fulfilling His promise …..I was matched with a baby boy 10 months old who looks like my husband and me in so many ways ….came to live with us in December 2014 and we finalized adoption in April 2015 he is my baby….I say I carried him in my heart and had labor pains for15 yrs but I wouldn’t change a thing….I realize us woman may have a dream to have children of our own but just as I did comes a time we must just let GOD guide you through and determine what He actually wants you to do …try son could have been aborted (she tried) but God had a plan and purpose…. he had been created just for me….and yes it was hard and has been as I reach my 40s I don’t have the same stamina but when I hear him call me mommy I give my all and more …so in other words never give up hope and faith because I chose to be a Mom while others choose to end their lives and mistreat them , I chose to make a difference in a child’s life and let them change mine…God bless you all and thanks for sharing your story ….it made my day

  17. I can’t explain how much I needed to read this just this morning…as my 4 little embryos from this round of IVF sit an hour away (hopefully healthily dividing). I needed a little hope. I needed a reminder of God’s perfect plan, timing, and handiwork. I needed this. Thank you.

  18. This is beautiful, and I’m so happy it’s been able to bless so many people!! Love you and your family so much! Selah is such a special girl.
    Sincerely,
    Your #1 blog fan 😉

  19. Pingback: I needed to hear this.. | ourjourneywithpcos

  20. Thank you so much for sharing this. I bawled. I had to share it with my dear husband of 9 years because it opened up my eyes to see that God is making our masterpiece. My husband too was deeply touched and shared that with all the prayers he has been praying, not once did he stop to think the delay is because God is making our masterpiece. Your little girl is God’s messenger to us, to wait on the Lord. Thank you again so much.

  21. Thank you for sharing. Being in the mother/grandmother role, my heart breaks for my daughter, watching her as each month she lives the disappointment. I ask God why He is waiting so long. Like you, I don’t know why, I just have to wait.

  22. We had four miscarriages before our daughter was born 13 years into marriage. On the occasion of the anniversary of one the losses, I waxed nostalgic. My husband just said. I look at it this way. If we had that child, we would probably not have the one we have now. So true, so true. If the world only know what a blessing she has been being created specially by God.at his leisure.

    • Rebecca,
      Thanks for sharing. I can’t imagine the pain of four miscarriages. However, it is so beautiful that you were given your daughter and can also see what a precious masterpiece she is. <3, Rebekah

  23. Precious baby girl!
    My girl came early in life (i was just out of high school) but when she told me at age four that “God sure did do a good job making me,” I thought, “He did a wonderful job!”

  24. Soooooooo needed to read this….very beautiful story….I’m 41 and sooooo badly want a baby of my own.I’m a preschool teacher and loves kids,and your story give me new hope and now I know with all my being,nothing is impossible with God!!!! All the replies is so motivating and beautiful! God bless u all!!!!

  25. Hi

    This is the strangest message I have ever read.. I never reply to anything online but your story with your daughter is exactly (99%) the conversation my 3 year old has with me.

    She told me one day.. ‘You just the way I wanted my mommy’… And I said and you just the way I wanted my baby!

    We struggled to fall pregant with her and she keeps asking me to act out how we find out, and pretend I she is still in my tummy! How we got to the hospital and how she was born!

    We are struggling again to conceive but I feel calm because I know God has a plan but then out the blue my daughter is praying one night and says.. ‘ dear god, thank you for everything and please bring my brother and sister.. ‘.. She has discussed this with me many times and says they coming…

    I truly believe that these children are straight from God.. Go read memories of heaven by Dr Wayne W dyer and Dee Garnes

    XXXX

    • Jeane,
      That is amazing you had such a similar conversation with your child! May God carry out his plan for you in his time and in his way. (And if you are trying to conceive a second time, you might like the post I just wrote called, “When You Want To Give Your Child A Sibling, But You Can’t” Much love!

  26. I, too waited a ling time before my first child came. I discovered that I needed to trust God with my life and that if I never had a child it would be okay….No, I would be okay because God was in control. When my son was in college, I realized that God’s timing had been perfect.

    • Carla,
      Thanks for sharing. That place of being “okay” and trusting God no matter what He wants to do–is so important. I’m glad you found it–and could see God’s wisdom in the process.

  27. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I am one of the barren ones you speak of and its hard to even write such a label. My husband and I have tried for 12+ years to have a child. We’ve had 6 failed IUIs, laparoscopic surgery to remove scar tissue from endometriosis, lots of pills, lots of shots, lots of herbal medicines, mixed in with a healthy dose of prayer and faith, but never with the result we so desire- only heartache, pain, disappointment and the panicked feeling that I’m missing my chance with every passing non-pregnant month… We went through a round of in vitro last fall and it was frought with many tears and a constant and paralyzing fear of the unknown. I didn’t know what I was doing?! I’m not one of the uber infertility research queens. I envy you girls! You know so much! I’m still learning all the acronyms (lol)! So, anyway, there were complications. Apparently, they learned only after my treatments that I have PCOS. I overstimmed and almost developed HOSS. Out of almost 40 harvested eggs, only 6 fertilized… In the end only 1 made it to the blastocyst stage. 1 chance. I only needed 1, right? This was my baby. My miracle baby… Time went by and I felt the tingles and twinges and knew something was happening. Sure enough, a positive pregnancy test! Do you know how many tests I’ve peed on in 12 years? And ALL negative?! I don’t either! But it’s A LOT! To see a positive result was probably the most rapturous joy I’ve ever felt. I literally squealed and danced all over the house. He did it! God answered our prayers (those too would be hard to count)! We saw the heartbeat at 5 weeks, which was a total miracle, and I even felt morning sickness for the first time! I was sick as a dog but laughing like a giddy school girl at the same time! Now I could actually have a conversation with my girlfriends about morning sickness! I think I sent a txt to all of them that first morning! “I have morning sickness! I’m so happy!” Lol! … Over the next few weeks, I felt the symptoms wane a bit, my breasts weren’t as swollen. I just felt different. At the next ultrasound, I had an undeniable feeling of dread while in the waiting room. I leaned over to my husband and expressed what I was feeling to prepare him for the worst. Sure enough, no heartbeat. Only a dead fetus. I’d had a missed miscarriage. 😔😪So not only did my body screw up making my baby thrive and grow healthy, but it failed to recognize that it had died. I had unknowingly been carrying my dead baby for weeks, laughing and full of hope for the future, picking out names. Tears of sadness and anger poured out in a constant stream, “I’m so stupid! Why does my body fail me over and over? Why can’t I be normal? My poor sweet husband… I have failed him. I’m a failure.” I was shattered into a million pieces. It was a huge blow. I have dealt with a great deal of tragedy, heart break and brokenness in my life… I’m familiar with it- like an old unwelcomed friend. None of it compares to what going through a miscarriage was like. It took me 3 months to leave my bedroom, it took me 6 months to leave my house… and at nearly a year now, I’m still not the same person. I feel like a shell of my former self most days. Infertility is the most painful journey I’ve ever been on. I have deep empathy for those of you going through it. It’s cruel. It’s like grieving every single day. We’re grieving our should have been babies. We’re grieving the death of a dream, the dream of hearing the pitter pat of tiny feet down the hall, the late night snuggles and feedings, the first word, the first poopy or pee pee dance, the first bike ride, the first tooth, the first lost tooth, the first moment of brilliance when you know your child’s a genius (lol) The first date night cut short because you miss your kid. The first dance, the first boyfriend or girlfriend, graduation, college, job, marriage and then the cycle starts all over. We mourn the dream of family gatherings for holidays that won’t ever be. I think about the loneliness and it overwhelms me sometimes. I feel like an outcast everywhere I go. I’m not me anymore, I’m the girl who can’t have a baby. We’re doing another round of in vitro in the coming months. I need 1 more try. If it doesn’t work this time, I can lay this dream to rest for good. I have a lot of doubts and fears, but there is hope… There is always hope. Pray we can find peace at the end of this one way or another; Peace in seeing this dream finally come true or peace that this dream is shattered for good and it’s time to put it to rest and move on with whatever our next chapter in life might be. Blessings to all of my beautiful barren sisters. May God bless you and comfort you in your sorrow and give you peace and hope for an abundant and happy future.

    • Angie,
      I am at a loss for words. But thank you so much for sharing your real, honest story. I just wish I could hug you. Though it wouldn’t nearly be enough. I cannot imagine the pain of all you have walked through these years. You are so precious. I keep thinking of this scripture from Isaiah 54 where God is speaking to the “barren woman” and he says, ”
      “O you afflicted one,
      Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
      Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
      And lay your foundations with sapphires.” And I pray this comes true for you. That though you have been tossed and aflicted..He will come comfort you, through and through. And lay your foundation in precious stones. I know these are just words, but I believe they are true. And I pray God comes close to you tonight. That He wouldn’t feel far away or distant..but meet you in your pain. I don’t know what He will do in your womb, but I pray He restores life to you, in your heart. And that He delivers you from a barren soul. Because it can be such a dry and lonely place. I will keep you in my heart and pray for you. I hope you read some more posts on trying to conceive on my blog…not because you will learn any information or tips. I don’t have that here. But just for your soul. Just so your soul can have a place to be comforted and heal. I am praying the Spirit give you life. So much love to you Angie. Please stay in touch.

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