Tanya’s Testimony

I’d like to share my testimony to all the ladies out there. Keep on keeping on, and trust in God with all your heart and soul. He knows the plans He has for you.

Two years ago, my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. Although we were no strangers to infertility, since we have close family on both sides who have struggled with it, we thought we’d be different. We thought for sure, we’d be pregnant within 4 months.

After a year, it became apparent that something was wrong. We went to the doctor. He made some suggestions. We tried again. Nothing happened. Just when we were about to start on our first round of fertility treatment, I found out I was pregnant. I’ll remember that over joyous, exhilarating feeling for the rest of my life.

I was shaking when my husband came home, couldn’t even find the words to tell him.

Then, at about five weeks, my HCG levels dropped quite badly and the doctor confirmed my fears – I was miscarrying.

I remember crying and sleeping for two days straight without the physical experience of it even having started.

It was during this time, when I was feeling more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life, that I turned to God.

I’ve always had an up and down relationship with Him – more or less every time I needed Him I seeked Him out. So, I turned to Him out of fury, anger and resentment.

It felt like He never, ever granted me anything I’d asked for. I remember reading your blog during that time, specifically the bit where you said you prayed to thank God for the reasons you weren’t pregnant. At first I laughed about it, it sounded ridiculous. Then, as resentment and anger turned to sadness and depression, I felt the need, more and more to talk to Him.

He was the only One who truly knew what I was feeling. So I started praying – every day I thanked him for a list of things I was grateful for in my life, each day adding something new to the list.

Soon, the mist of sadness started to lift, and although the desire still burned brightly in my heart, day by day, I felt closer to the Father who had a plan for me, and who’s plan was always better than my own. I prayed, over and over again for His will to be done, not mine.

And for some time, I felt relief. I didn’t react in anger or sadness every time I saw or heard of someone being pregnant. All I felt during that time, was the need for God’s will to play out in my life and for Him to work through me and touch others.

I’ve always been a shy and reserved person, especially regarding my faith – it’s not something I talk about every day. I like writing though – usually for my own entertainment. But somehow I scraped together the courage and started writing again, giving life to the emotions that I carried with me through the whole process. But it felt good sharing, and suddenly I was flooded with stories of women I knew and adored, who went through such similar experiences that it shocked me to know that there were so many, and that they’ve never talked about it to anyone. I believe this was a time of healing for me and all of them.

Then one day, during December, a close family member shared the news that they were expecting. For some reason, this just totally broke me again.

We always talked about raising our children together.

It felt like I was being left behind.

And although it was a very hard time for me, I refused to let it drive a wedge between me and my Father again. I started diligently reading my Bible, seeking comfort in His word. I got myself a book to help guide my prayers, which I felt were all over the place. It helped, tremendously.

I had good days and bad ones, but mostly felt like I was getting it together again, so when my husband suggested we see the doctor again, I was ready. Went through some procedures, got some medication again. I wasn’t feeling hopeful though – because I wasn’t putting my faith in treatments and doctors, I was putting my faith in God’s plan.

“I wasn’t putting my faith in treatments and doctors, I was putting my faith in God’s plan.”

And then, when I least expected it – one day when I was positively having PMS like symptoms and cramps, when I was bored and I was cleaning out my bathroom… I found a stick. I thought, well, why not? And there it was – positively positive. I am now 21 weeks pregnant.

It was only after I found out and started telling everyone, that I realised how many friends, family and acquaintances were praying for me.

I didn’t know they cared enough.

But God listened, because He hears every prayer, and if we ask in His name, He will grant us the desires of our hearts. In HIS perfect timing and according to HIS perfect plan.

–Tanya,  South Africa


Thank you for sharing this Tanya! Wow, tears fill my eyes. And we rejoice with you as you carry this little one in your womb!

If you’re reading this, I don’t want you to brush over the part where Tanya said she (in the midst of her infertility) began to thank God during her inability to concieve. I know it sounds crazy, but thanking God during infertility was something that brought me such release of joy and freedom from the weight I was bearing. If you want to read more about that, you can click here.


If you would like to share your testimony of how God has healed your womb, or how He has healed, or is healing your soul (whether or not you have a baby) please email me at [email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want To Share Your Testimony?” I feature a Testimony each Tuesday, you can also subscribe with your email address, or follow along on my Facebook Page.

Love, Rebekah

Bonnie’s Testimony

 

It’s Testimony Tuesday! Bonnie is here to share her testimony with us:

A few short weeks after meeting my soulmate and future husband, we were already planning our lives together. Being an only child myself, we wanted to have both a boy and a girl and had their names already picked. We got married 3 years later at the age of 26 and began trying to start a family.

Much to my dismay, I struggled with secondary amenorrhea after going off the pill for the next few years. After finally seeking medical advice and having every test known to man to rule out any thyroid issues, ovarian cysts, or pituitary gland tumors, it was determined that the only way I’d ever conceive would be through fertility treatments and possibly in vitro.

I was told by the fertility specialist that it would take a “miracle” to conceive without treatments since I wasn’t menstruating, which is a crucial part of conceiving. My husband and I prayed for God’s wisdom and but just didn’t feel at peace about using “man’s” methods over His, and we didn’t feel led to adopt. So, we carried on praying and crying out for a miracle for another few years without any answer from God.

Finally, at the age of 34, seeking only God’s inexplicable peace and trusting Him completely for His plan in my life, I fully resigned to the fact that I would never become a mother.

I also tearfully told my own mother that she would never become a grandmother.

Although it shattered my heart initially, I gradually healed day by day with God’s grace and felt at peace about it.

Then, something completely unexpected happened. I got my period. And nearly 45 days later, I got another one followed by another one, a few weeks later. There was no logical explanation for it apart from God’s perfect timing! Then it stopped, and I found myself feeling incredibly sick in October of that year. I scheduled a doctor’s appointment and found out that I was eight weeks pregnant!

My heart rejoiced so loudly I could hardly believe it was true as I cried tears of joy! I’ll never forget that moment in which I told my mother that she was going to become a grandma! She hugged me tightly as we both cried the happiest tears ever while praising Jesus aloud and thanking Him for this unexpected miracle.

In June of 2015, I gave birth to our healthy precious son whom we named Alexander…just as we had planned nearly 13 years prior. He was and is our own little miracle baby!

But God wasn’t finished showing how miraculous He is.

Nearly two years later, I find myself expecting again…this time with a girl! God is so incredibly good and He makes all things beautiful in His time. If we fully trust in Him, He ALWAYS shows Himself to be faithful. Never give up hope when life throws “impossibilities” because with Him, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!


Thank you Bonnie for sharing this beautiful testimony of what God has done! And we rejoice with you over your son Alexander, and your coming baby girl!

And we also find encouragement to keep hoping in Him, even when there seems to be no hope from our bodies, or from the doctors. Like you said, “Nothing is impossible” with God.


If you would like to share your testimony of how God has healed your womb, or how He has healed, or is healing your soul (whether or not you have a baby) please email me at [email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want To Share Your Testimony?” I feature a Testimony each Tuesday, you can also subscribe with your email address, or follow along on my Facebook Page

Love, Rebekah

 

 

Kay’s Testimony: Miracle After Miscarriages

“I would like to share my experience hoping that I could give hope to someone else. And to remind each and everyone’s heart that truly nothing is impossible with God.

Let me start by saying that God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl whom I easily conceived with no problems at all. She was truly a blessing. So, I never thought that giving her a sibling would be a challenge–since I was convinced that I could easily get pregnant.

After a while, I got pregnant and it was unplanned but nevertheless we were so happy! However, unexpectedly, it turned out to be a blighted ovum. We were sad but never thought it would happen again, since they said a blighted ovum is normal.

So after a while, we decided to try again. Soon, we got a positive pregnancy test. We were so happy, but after a week or two, we found out it was just a chemical pregnancy.

I was starting to get anxious and depressed.

We opted to do fertility workups, and another chemical pregnancy happened, then another blighted ovum to which another chemical pregnancy followed again. I was so depressed and anxious, but it was at this period of recurrent miscarriages that I remembered God again.

I was closer to Him and our relationship deepened. We decided to let go and rest for a while.

I was always holding to the word of the Lord, that His plans are for us to prosper and not to harm us to give us hope and a future. (Jeriemiah 29:11) But to our surprise, I got another positive pregnancy test. I was scared, yet hopeful at that time. I was traumatized from my past recurrent miscarriages. But with God’s grace after 5 miscarriages this one was the time were I was able to hear the beautiful heartbeat that i had been praying and dreaming for. Im currently 32 weeks now and everything is going well.

So I want people to know my story, hoping that I could give hope and remind all of you out there that nothing is impossible with our God. He forgives all our sins and heals all our diseases. I give Him all the glory for everything that I have.

—Kay


Thank you Kay for sharing your story of loss and heartache, but also your hope in God and the miracle He gave you. I love that you “remembered God,” in the midst of all of it, and I pray we can all be inspired to “remember God,” and put our trust in Him–no matter what we’re going through. We celebrate this new life within you and pray God gives you a healthy and beautiful delivery to this special baby coming very soon!

If you have a testimony of a healed womb, or a healed soul that you would like to share here on Testimony Tuesdays at Barren to Beautiful, email me at [email protected] ! To check out the writer’s guidelines see my page, “Want To Share Your Testimony?”

Why Dishes Are Still In My Sink

I didn’t finish my dishes tonight. I love when they are finished. Because I can come down to clean kitchen the next morning, brew my coffee and start the day fresh.

But I didn’t finish them tonight. Half are still soaking in the sink. With food stuck to the plates. And BBQ sauce sticking to my crockpot.

Tomorrow I will go downstairs to a messy kitchen. I will have to stick my hand in the cold water and unplug the drain. (Something I hate doing.) And I will have to start my day doing the dishes I didn’t do tonight.

But do you know what I DID do tonight?

I popped popcorn on the stove with my daughter Selah, who is 4-years-old. Because she wanted to have a “fun” night. All week she kept saying she wanted to have a “fun” night where we popped popcorn and watched a movie and danced to music.

So I decided tonight was going to be the “fun” night.

And it really was.

She stood on the counter as the popcorn popped on the stove. And she laughed hysterically, the whole time, at every single kernel as it popped. It wasn’t really that funny, but it was “fun” night, so I joined her in forced laughter for five straight minutes.

We started the movie, “Because Of Win-Dixie,” and sat together on the floor holding our big bowl of popcorn.

And she fed me.

Every couple handfuls of popcorn that went into her mouth, she would pick up a piece and put it carefully to my mouth. But there was so much love in her eyes.

I obliged.

After all, it was the “fun” night.

So, we took turns feeding each other. The movie played on and there we were looking like two newlyweds at their wedding reception, but instead of feeding each other cake, it was popcorn. And we couldn’t stop laughing.

And she put her arm around me. And I didn’t want to leave her side.

The dishes were calling me.

But tonight, I just stayed. I just sat by her side, and watched the movie all the way through.

She put princess stickers on my shirt. Carefully, one by one.

And…

She told me she loved me.

And it felt good. To just fully give myself to her.

For once.

To breathe in her sweet scent. .

I remember the first time I smelled her. The snowy night she was born, when they laid her slippery little body on my chest. And I wrapped my frail, shaky arms around her. And all at once, I loved her. All of me, loved all of her.

And an avalanche happened in my heart.

Of love.

Baby girl. 

Come back. 

She’s not a baby anymore. She’s four.

But on nights like this. When we’re wrapped in eachother’s arms. She is mine, and I am hers.

And there’s nothing more sacred, more holy, then these moments with her. Getting low and laying on the carpet.

Feeding each other popcorn.

And laughing at all the funny parts.

Because it’s “fun” night.

And I love her.

And by some miracle, she loves me.

With a love more tender, and kind, and gentle, than I am worthy of.

With stickers.

And popcorn.

And her tiny arm tightly around me.

Because tonight, there was this moment when I looked over at her laughing, and I was laughing, and just for a moment she felt more like sister, than my daughter. Like my friend.

And I’m going to remember this, tomorrow morning. When I wake up and go downstairs. And stick my hand in the cold water and unplug the kitchen sink. Because I’ll be wondering why I didn’t choose the dishes.

 

And I know, moms, we can’t spend ALL our days playing with our kids. Our houses would eventually collapse in a pile of rubble.

But let’s be honest, how much time do we actually spend playing with our kids?

(Without our phone handy, so we can space out on Facebook…which is what I usually do.)

I don’t play with my daughter enough.

Tonight, though, for a change, I just needed to “clock-out” from being Susie Homemaker. Because there are always dishes in the sink. There’s always one more thing to do.

And it’s always something important.

(To me.)

 

But she’s important, too. And it’s more important to her, that I lay on the floor, and let her feed me popcorn, and cover my shirt with stickers.

Tomorrow, I’m going to trip over the pillows on the living room floor.

And I’ll be sure to find some stray popcorn kernals on the stove.

And yes, I’ll reach into that nasty cold sink water.

But she’s the reason my dishes are still in the sink. 

My daughter.

My sister. 

My friend. 

Lindi’s Testimony: Before the Victory

Thirty-one months…that’s how long we’ve been waiting for God to do a miracle. Is this the longest anyone has ever had to wait? By far not… But for us, it’s been thirty-one very longs months.

In July 2014, my husband and I made the big decision that we’re going to start trying for a baby. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and before we even got married I made it clear that that’s the vision for my life: I want to be a stay at home mom! I felt like that was my calling. Like God made me to be a mother. I had no other big plans for my life, no huge things I was waiting for God to birth in me, I only had that one plan and I was sure that God was going to make it happen and make it happen quickly!

When my then boyfriend and I had started to talk seriously about marriage, I told him that he must “beware”, because I felt that God was saying we were going to have babies real early in our marriage. I felt that even though I was going onto the pill, He was going to do a miracle and we were going to have a baby really soon.

That amazing evening in July 2014, I was so filled with hope. We were at a prophetic meeting at church and someone prophesied over my husband and I saying that they see kids, more than one and that God is saying don’t delay any further. These were just the words we needed to hear. We went straight home, chucked the last of the pills into the bin and (in our minds) conceived our little miracle right then and there.

When my period started a few days later we were disappointed, but also not too phased as we knew a few couples who had tried for a number of months before finally falling pregnant.

Six months passed and my heart started to ache. I couldn’t understand why God was “doing this to me” and what I did wrong to deserve this heartache? I wanted to run straight to the doctor to check what’s wrong with me, but my husband listened to the Lord and said, “No, the time isn’t right yet.” I tried from then to really turn my heart to God and not let the emotions rule my heart and mind.

Months eventually turned into years. Even our friends who struggled to get pregnant had babies one after the other. I really tried to have a good attitude towards pregnancy and all the new babies that were crawling around at church functions. We really went all out to bless our friends and really sow where we trusted that we would reap.

I was genuinely happy for my friends and it was wonderful to bond with their little babies and learn a few tips and tricks. I had good days and bad days, many negative pregnancy tests and fights with the Lord. Nights of making peace with it all, and long days of praying that Jesus would hold me tight through all this.

Then in March 2016, at a family function, my cousin excitedly declared that she’s pregnant. She is 5 years younger than me and had only been married 2 years. They had been trying for maybe 2 months. My period was late and I was feeling super emotional already, that pushed me completely over the edge. I hugged her and pretended to be happy, but went into the bathroom and cried, my only consolation being that at least my period was late and I still had a chance. After my cry, I quickly washed my face and used the toilet and lo and behold, my period had started. Great.

That was a low and very difficult day.

It took me a few months to get over the shock of my baby cousin being pregnant, but I did and God really worked in my heart to be truly happy for them. It has been such a long road to walk with our Savior, but nothing has ever changed the fact that He is good and that He has a plan.

In December 2016, we were away with my husband’s family when Jesus really spoke in my heart and challenged my way of thinking.

I have often thought how I would write my story once it’s all over, done and dusted.

How I would praise God for the babies that He gave us and how I would encourage other women walking this path with my testimony. But God said: “Why are you waiting?”

And that simple sentence got me thinking. Why are we so happy to share our stories once the pain is over? Why are we open to speak about our victories, but we struggle to tell the story amidst the fight?

Isn’t the real victory in being close to God and walking this path with him?

I think more people need to see us in our battle.

See how there are daily fights to be fought. And then we can all celebrate together once the battle is won!

So this is me, writing my story, a story that isn’t finished yet. I am not pregnant yet, some days I am still sad and angry, but also grateful and filled with hope. I am still praying that God will open my womb, but that He will make me strong to fight against the despair if I see another month go by without a positive result. I am praying that God will use me in more ways than being a mother. I rest in the fact that God is close to the broken hearted and that I know He has an amazing plan for my life.

I stand against the plans of the enemy to drag me into a hopeless pit and I fight to stay close to Jesus whom I love! I know that victory will come, I can feel it in my spirit, but for now, I share my story before the victory comes.

Thank you that I can share my story, may it give you the courage to share what you’re going through before the victory.


This story isn’t over.

Lindi sent this story to me on February 23, 2017. Because God had told her to write this. He told her to write this “Before the Victory.”

I have chills even as I type this. Two weeks later, I got another email from Lindi. Here’s what it said:

Hi Rebekah,

So to add to the amazing testimony…I found out last week that I’m pregnant! 7 weeks already… God is so faithful!!! Like you said in one of your posts, looking back now the wait didn’t seem so long even though going through it seemed like an eternity!

Thank you for your willingness to share your story and for listening to mine!

Love,
Lindi

God led Lindi during her battle to a place of worship, surrender, and obedience “before the victory.” Not knowing, even as she wrote this, He was already forming a baby in her womb.

How awesome is our God?

Lindi is now 25 weeks pregnant. So let’s come around her and celebrate this life that God has placed in her! And let’s take Lindi’s encouragement to heart–to trust Him, and to share what He is doing inside us, not just our wombs, but our hearts, “before the victory.” Because that’s where the battle is.

I am challenged, as one who only usually writes about things AFTER the victory. But like Lindi said…maybe people need to see us IN OUR BATTLES.

Not just after them.

So wherever you are at today in the journey, God is with you. And He is worthy of your trust and worship before the victory.

Photo credits: Lily Photography @lilyphotography32


If you would like to share your Testimony at Barren to Beautiful, please email me at [email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want to Share Your Testimony?”