Connie’s Testimony

This is a real picture of our friend Connie. Isn’t she beautiful–inside and out? 🙂

 

For the past two years, I have been on a new type of rollercoaster ride with so many moving parts and this has definitely challenged me in my faith. I felt like if I’m special to God, why haven’t I been blessed with children?

For a while, I didn’t plan to share this until I have reached success, but I feel like I’m finding more of us who are in a similar situation. We get married later in life, work on our careers, get to know ourselves better inside out, and then when we finally think, now is a good time to bring children into the world, we find it’s not as easy to conceive as we could have as teenagers. When people would scare and warn you that you can get pregnant at a drop of a hat.

Recently, I saw a friend’s sister on Instagram share her IVF journey and this inspired me. I’m sure my story will encourage someone out there, struggling between trusting God and “infertility.”

Although it hasn’t been easy, it has challenged my faith and trust in God. I have to say though, in each of our stressful situations, God is trying to show Him who He is to you. It’s all about His relationship to you. It’s trying to show Him a deeper part of how He loves you.

In my quiet times, I know there is a purpose for this waiting period until I am able to conceive. People have prayed for me and I have several confirmations that I will have biological children. Some days, I’m confident and hopeful, while some days, I’m focused on how my period cycles have been increasing in length, then how could I get pregnant? If I can’t even find the right window?

You see, God gave me seeds of hope and expectation. My job is to stay faithful and patient. My action? To rest, worship, and rejoice for how God will work behind the scenes in His appointed time.

I’m starting to realize that the enemy loves to rob me of my hope. He likes to come in and just mess with my patience.

How does he do that? Well, he works in the natural-what we can see, while God works in the supernatural- the unseen.

So for a good six months in 2016, I let anxiety push me. I let voices from my family, peers, society tell me I’m getting old beyond my fertility age. They summarized, “It will be too late.” Now!!!!

I rushed into seeing fertility specialists, going to see acupuncturists, and doing whatever I can so that I can be as “fertile” as possible. Let me say, I had no peace. My mind was spinning and there was no joy. I felt like this was a performance show, meeting everybody’s expectations to prove that I can be fruitful by own might. Basically what I put in, I will reap.

Most recently, IVF was popping up around me in different avenues. I was curious but completely uncomfortable to my core about the process. I just knew that I physically didn’t feel good after trying several IUI’s and didn’t want to go through another intense process. I know God can work through doctors, but for us, He was clearly showing us not to go this route.

Recently, I read a book and it mentioned about how Sarah (Abraham’s wife in the Bible) took control of the situation when she and Abraham were promised a child and they didn’t conceive. She lost patience and a child was born out of their own will, not God’s plan. This decision affected the generations after.

You see, this was what I was doing. Knowing God’s promise personally for my situtation, yet I tried to conceive by my own control. I would surrender and then I take back my anxiety. I surrender and I take back again…and again…

Well today, I know that my blessing will come. It’s only a matter of time. I have to guard my heart to hold onto God’s promises and not waiver. I have to be deliberate about surrendering my anxious thoughts daily.

I appreciate any prayers and support. Thanks for all who have already been my cheerleaders. 

To be continued…

–Connie

Photo credit: Liz Franco Photography


Connie, I’m in tears as I read your journey through the past few years, your battle between desiring God’s work in your life and also wanting your desires to be met in some sort of time frame that is close. Thank you so much for sharing, as many women are currently in this place, and not many are as courageous, to share their raw emotions and bare their hearts. It is obvious how God is working in you. We’re cheering for you, and praying for you!

If you would like to share your testimony of how God has healed your womb, or how He has healed, or is healing your soul (whether or not you have a baby) please email me at [email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want To Share Your Testimony?” I feature a Testimony each Tuesday, you can also subscribe with your email address, or follow along on my Facebook Page.

Lindi’s Testimony: Before the Victory

Thirty-one months…that’s how long we’ve been waiting for God to do a miracle. Is this the longest anyone has ever had to wait? By far not… But for us, it’s been thirty-one very longs months.

In July 2014, my husband and I made the big decision that we’re going to start trying for a baby. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and before we even got married I made it clear that that’s the vision for my life: I want to be a stay at home mom! I felt like that was my calling. Like God made me to be a mother. I had no other big plans for my life, no huge things I was waiting for God to birth in me, I only had that one plan and I was sure that God was going to make it happen and make it happen quickly!

When my then boyfriend and I had started to talk seriously about marriage, I told him that he must “beware”, because I felt that God was saying we were going to have babies real early in our marriage. I felt that even though I was going onto the pill, He was going to do a miracle and we were going to have a baby really soon.

That amazing evening in July 2014, I was so filled with hope. We were at a prophetic meeting at church and someone prophesied over my husband and I saying that they see kids, more than one and that God is saying don’t delay any further. These were just the words we needed to hear. We went straight home, chucked the last of the pills into the bin and (in our minds) conceived our little miracle right then and there.

When my period started a few days later we were disappointed, but also not too phased as we knew a few couples who had tried for a number of months before finally falling pregnant.

Six months passed and my heart started to ache. I couldn’t understand why God was “doing this to me” and what I did wrong to deserve this heartache? I wanted to run straight to the doctor to check what’s wrong with me, but my husband listened to the Lord and said, “No, the time isn’t right yet.” I tried from then to really turn my heart to God and not let the emotions rule my heart and mind.

Months eventually turned into years. Even our friends who struggled to get pregnant had babies one after the other. I really tried to have a good attitude towards pregnancy and all the new babies that were crawling around at church functions. We really went all out to bless our friends and really sow where we trusted that we would reap.

I was genuinely happy for my friends and it was wonderful to bond with their little babies and learn a few tips and tricks. I had good days and bad days, many negative pregnancy tests and fights with the Lord. Nights of making peace with it all, and long days of praying that Jesus would hold me tight through all this.

Then in March 2016, at a family function, my cousin excitedly declared that she’s pregnant. She is 5 years younger than me and had only been married 2 years. They had been trying for maybe 2 months. My period was late and I was feeling super emotional already, that pushed me completely over the edge. I hugged her and pretended to be happy, but went into the bathroom and cried, my only consolation being that at least my period was late and I still had a chance. After my cry, I quickly washed my face and used the toilet and lo and behold, my period had started. Great.

That was a low and very difficult day.

It took me a few months to get over the shock of my baby cousin being pregnant, but I did and God really worked in my heart to be truly happy for them. It has been such a long road to walk with our Savior, but nothing has ever changed the fact that He is good and that He has a plan.

In December 2016, we were away with my husband’s family when Jesus really spoke in my heart and challenged my way of thinking.

I have often thought how I would write my story once it’s all over, done and dusted.

How I would praise God for the babies that He gave us and how I would encourage other women walking this path with my testimony. But God said: “Why are you waiting?”

And that simple sentence got me thinking. Why are we so happy to share our stories once the pain is over? Why are we open to speak about our victories, but we struggle to tell the story amidst the fight?

Isn’t the real victory in being close to God and walking this path with him?

I think more people need to see us in our battle.

See how there are daily fights to be fought. And then we can all celebrate together once the battle is won!

So this is me, writing my story, a story that isn’t finished yet. I am not pregnant yet, some days I am still sad and angry, but also grateful and filled with hope. I am still praying that God will open my womb, but that He will make me strong to fight against the despair if I see another month go by without a positive result. I am praying that God will use me in more ways than being a mother. I rest in the fact that God is close to the broken hearted and that I know He has an amazing plan for my life.

I stand against the plans of the enemy to drag me into a hopeless pit and I fight to stay close to Jesus whom I love! I know that victory will come, I can feel it in my spirit, but for now, I share my story before the victory comes.

Thank you that I can share my story, may it give you the courage to share what you’re going through before the victory.


This story isn’t over.

Lindi sent this story to me on February 23, 2017. Because God had told her to write this. He told her to write this “Before the Victory.”

I have chills even as I type this. Two weeks later, I got another email from Lindi. Here’s what it said:

Hi Rebekah,

So to add to the amazing testimony…I found out last week that I’m pregnant! 7 weeks already… God is so faithful!!! Like you said in one of your posts, looking back now the wait didn’t seem so long even though going through it seemed like an eternity!

Thank you for your willingness to share your story and for listening to mine!

Love,
Lindi

God led Lindi during her battle to a place of worship, surrender, and obedience “before the victory.” Not knowing, even as she wrote this, He was already forming a baby in her womb.

How awesome is our God?

Lindi is now 25 weeks pregnant. So let’s come around her and celebrate this life that God has placed in her! And let’s take Lindi’s encouragement to heart–to trust Him, and to share what He is doing inside us, not just our wombs, but our hearts, “before the victory.” Because that’s where the battle is.

I am challenged, as one who only usually writes about things AFTER the victory. But like Lindi said…maybe people need to see us IN OUR BATTLES.

Not just after them.

So wherever you are at today in the journey, God is with you. And He is worthy of your trust and worship before the victory.

Photo credits: Lily Photography @lilyphotography32


If you would like to share your Testimony at Barren to Beautiful, please email me at [email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want to Share Your Testimony?”

Kelly’s Testimony: Don’t Get Lost In The Storm

My journey with infertility started over 13 years ago, in April 2003. My cycles were unpredictable. I eventually learned that my body did not ovulate on its own… or so the doctor said.

Over those 13 years, I internalized my emotional roller coaster and I began to eat my emotions.

At my largest, I was 70+ pounds overweight. So, in August of 2015, I began CrossFit. In the beginning, I went to become healthy enough to carry a baby–but at some point along the way, the journey became less about conceiving and more about being happy with who I am. I began to work out more, eat healthier, drink more water and my cycles became more regular only being off by 4 to 7 days, (instead of months and months apart.) But most of all, I began to live for myself and not for the unborn child that had not been conceived yet.

In November 2011, I re-married an amazing man who stood beside me, encouraged me, and made me feel whole. We did some fertility treatment, but January 1, 2016, the monetary and emotional cost, would lead us to make the decision to let go.

I asked God, “Why?” A LOT. I never really understood the “Why?” but always felt or even knew in my spirit that it would happen. I still believed. I still had faith God would provide. But I needed to separate myself from living for someone whose time had not been appointed yet.

My husband and I took down our nursery, gave some things away and attempted to sell the rest; however, no one would buy anything….anything!

In October of 2016, we made the decision to buy a new house and some farm animals on 5 acres! The land had not been cared for in many, many years and there was a lot of work to do. Our life had become busy with work, working out, and caring for our land. The pain of being 32-years-old and seemingly barren had begun to slip away a little.

We began to enjoy the freedom of being able to go and do what we wanted, when we want. “2 a.m. run to Walmart? Sure, why not!” We began to realize that we had the ability to go and do, unlike most of our friends. We began to enjoy each other; after all, life was just going to be the two of us…forever.

Christmas came, I decorated every room in the house, every room had its own tree; it was beautiful! Then New Year’s came and went. We had been a full year of focusing on us, our marriage and building a life for two, plus our “fur babies.” We were content. Life was perfect… or so we thought.

Then there is January 26, 2017 at 5:15 p.m.

My cycle was only 3 days late. No big deal. I am used to that. But, I was having some stomach issues, (also normal for me) and I wanted to take some medication for it but knew it would be unsafe IF I happened to be expecting. I asked my husband, “Please stop and get some pregnancy test. I know it will be negative. I would just feel better taking it before the meds.” He happily obliged, knowing that when it was negative, I would descend into a spiral of darkness for a few days. He would be there to hold me, cry with me and we would pick the pieces back up and move forward together…stronger and closer as a couple.

BUT, this was not the case this time….there was a “+”. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There had NEVER been a “+”. I took the test to him for reassurance. There was definitely a PLUS! I finally understood why no one would buy all the clothes and toys we had collected over the year.

After a journey that lasted 13 years and 8 months, there was a tiny miracle in my womb! God had kept His word…His promise. The promise I had stood on for the last 5 years. The promise I reminded Him of daily. The promise that was posted all over our home: Psalm 113:9 “He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.”

God has been faithful to us! I have prayed for this child by name since December of 2011. Isaiah William is due to arrive September 28. God has filled the desire of our hearts!

God has seen us through the struggle of infertility, provided the miracle of being able to purchase a home we never thought we could afford, put a tiny miracle in my womb and had us in a safe place on April 29, when a tornado destroyed our home and car.

We can see God through the storms… ALL of them! The lesson we have best learned through it all is: Don’t get lost in the storm. Just like Peter, in Matthew 14, if we take our eyes off God, we begin to become afraid and sink in the situation. Keep your eyes on God, praise Him through the storm and He will see you through it!


Thank you Kelly for sharing this beautiful story of how God has carried you through these storms for 13 years! You give hope to us all as you have trusted in the Lord, and we cheer you on now as you are pregnant and give birth this September! May God deliver your sweet baby boy in His perfect time, and His perfect way. 

If you would like to share your testimony of what God has done (or is doing) in your womb, or in your soul, please email me at [email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines here at “Want To Share Your Testimony?”

Betsy’s Testimony: God’s Got It

 

As I write down my thoughts and dreams, my interactions of each day I can truly see myself as a whole person these days. But it wasn’t always this way …

I can look back into my “diary” and see the transaction from the last few years, last few months, mainly the last few weeks. Just recently I have become the person I had always led on to be.

The strong one. The one who is truly happy for you.

The one who is “OK” she is not carrying the child she has longed for, for years.

I find myself smiling at situations I once cried at.

I find myself dancing and singing in the front row at church.

I find myself carrying on more positive conversations with those who truly care.

I find myself when I look into the mirror – finally.

I once carried myself as a disappointment–rather a true daughter of the Lord. I was disappointing my husband–who wants to be a dad just as much as I want to be a mom.

Spending hours missing work to drive miles and miles because what that one doctor told me, I didn’t want to believe–and what the other doctor told me, I didn’t want to hear.

I thought maybe someone who didn’t know me from my past appointments would say something I hadn’t heard yet. But they all said the same, “We will just keep trying.” “Your next cycle will be different.” “ALL THINGS DOCTORS SAY.”

One day, I stopped listening to what those doctors were saying and listened to what my heart of hearts was saying.

It spoke so loud to me one day, and I knew what I had to do.

I had to cry and pray.

Pray and cry.

One day I woke up feeling not so sad, not so heavy hearted…I felt like me again. The person who I was before all this pressure of getting pregnant, providing my husband with a child, providing a grandchild to my parents.

I felt free.

Yes, there are some days that are easier than others. Yes, there will be days harder to come…but I know where to go on those days – and that makes it all the easier.

I prayed for comfort, for a solution, for something to change my life and the whole time it was inside right there inside of me.

This gift given to us from God, this gift to “The Grinders.”

The gift of peace.

The gift of peace that He has it.

God’s got it.


Thank you Betsy for sharing how God’s gift of peace is restoring life to your spirit and soul as you trust Him! God is surely able to saturate the thirsty soul with Himself, and He longs for each of us, whether we face infertility or some other struggle, to rest, to surrender, and to believe with all our heart: God’s got it. Because He does. 

If you have a testimony you would like to share here on Testimony Tuesdays at Barren to Beautiful, email me at [email protected] ! To check out the writer’s guidelines see my page, “Want To Share Your Testimony?”

Crystal’s Testimony: I Need To Be Enough For You

When I hear the word “barren,” I find it offensive.  Not because I view myself as barren.  I actually don’t.  If I view myself that way, I feel I’ve accepted defeat.  I’ve given up.   I’ve reserved myself to the fear that God has forgotten me and my desire to be a mother.

No, I’m not offended that my physical body is barren.  I’m offended, because I know that my barren spirit offends the Lord.   Each time I find myself feeling broken, hurt, lonely, and empty, I know it’s because I’ve tried to solve my problems on my own.  

One more supplement.  A new medication.  Another doctor visit.  A different procedure.  Surely, more information will shed light on the problem and explain why I haven’t conceived.  There must be something tangible I can do to make my body cooperate and carry a healthy baby to term.  

But over and over again I hear God saying…

“I need to be enough for you.  

When will I be enough for you?”

 

I go through the cycle month after month.  I’m filled with hope and anticipation that this will be it.  Something this time will work, and my husband and I will conceive our first child.  I wait with waning patience. And over and over, the waves come crashing down and I fall into despair.  

Not this time.  Maybe not ever.  The disappointment overwhelms me, and the depression is enough to crush my being.  Anger follows, and I want to shut myself away from the world.  It’s in that moment that I pray, through sniffles and tears, sometimes even without words.

“Lord, why does this continue to happen?  What am I supposed to do?  How do I fix this?”

And each time, the answer is the same.

“This isn’t something you can control.  It isn’t something you can fix.  I don’t need you to do anything.  I am enough.  What I need is for you to trust me.  Your faith has to be bigger than your fear.”

And in that moment, a weak laugh escapes with a shallow breath.  I’ve done it again.  I’ve taken my eyes off of Him.  But each time, He brings me back.  And I pray that His words never leave me.  

I’m listening, God.  I hear you.

I pray that he strengthens my faith and that one day I will realize the joy of being a mother.  But first, I know he must continue the work in me to repair my barren soul.  

Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. – 1 Chronicles 16:11


Thank you Crystal for boldly sharing your testimony today. This journey is long, and hard. But thankfully, God saturates the barren soul with Himself. Continue to listen for His whispers. And may He satisfy you more than you ever dreamed possible. 

If you have a testimony you would like to share here on Testimony Tuesdays, email me at [email protected] ! To check out the writer’s guidelines see my page, “Want To Share Your Testimony?”