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Barren to Beautiful

“Because You’re Mine”

Motherhood· Uncategorized

5 Jun

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I have experienced love-at-first-sight my life only one time: the night my daughter was born. I remember them placing her slippery little body into my frail, shaky arms. And the moment I saw her, touched her; all at once, I loved her. All of me, loved all of her. This avalanche happened in my heart and never stopped flowing. A love so violent, so powerful—I did not even know I was capable of it. Like something burst; the floodgates broke open, and would never close again. She had done nothing to win or lose my affection, to prove her ability, to show her worth. It didn’t matter. I knew her worth. And I would love her forever. Simply because: she was mine.

Having a child does something to you. It stretches you, stretches your heart so that it can never go back. I think all mothers feel this. Whether they have only been mothers for a few months or fifty years. We can apply creams and lotions to stretch marks on our bodies, but nothing can remove the stretch marks on your soul. You have been changed forever. The love you feel for them is like this mountain, it cannot be moved. Simply because: they are yours.

I struggled for a long time to know God’s love. People talked about it, I read about it in the Bible, heard songs about it—but could never really feel it. So I tried to be perfect, like a friend who always did everything so right, you would never have a reason to be mad at them. Ever. But that didn’t work. I was a sinner through and through. I failed and floundered. I would pull up my bootstraps, try so hard to prove myself, and when I didn’t—I just felt further from His love. As if His love were based on my performance, going up and down like the stock market. (But usually crashing.) I wanted to cry out to God, to ask Him how He could love me? And why? But would my cry make Him swoon with sympathy and grace, or roll His eyes with irritation? Did He really like me, or just kind of tolerate me?

As I wrestled these questions, I began to ask God the thing I really wanted to know for so long: “Why do You love me?”

Imagine your child asking you this. It would be a baffling, heart-paining question to any mother or father. “What, do you mean, ‘Why do I love you?’” But your child’s face is earnest; they really don’t know what you thought was obvious all along.

“God, why do you love me?”

And at last, He answered,

“Because you’re Mine.”

And suddenly all the doubts and fears and striving for perfection are all—gone. I am His. And for the first time, I know it. He has pledged Himself to me. He has made a way through His Son Jesus to atone me. To cleanse me with His blood. To make a way. Not because of what I have done, but because of what He has done. He has made me His own. And no one can pry me out of His hands. Ever. When He sees me in the End, seeing Him, He will look at me and shout, “Mine!”

“She is Mine.”

How my heart leaps for that day, and so should every single son and daughter of God. Because this is the truth. Scripture confirms it again and again. And the Holy Spirit makes us taste it’s reality.

A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the world, but it is just a small touch of what God feels for us. The way we feel about our children, is the way God feels about His—but even more.

God says, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, Yet I will not forget you. Behold I have engraved you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.” Isaiah 49:15-16

Could it be that this powerful, sovereign, maker of heaven and earth, loves and is aroused with avalanche-like compassion for me, the same way I am for my daughter?

Yes.

But even more so. His love is stronger than a mother’s love, because His love is perfect. Without the sin, or stress, or short tempers, or moods. His love is more constant, wise, knows exactly what you need, and never lacks the power to give it. His love is more intimate, so much that He counts your tears, numbers the hairs on your head, and hears the quietest whisper of your heart. He sees your dreams, hears your thoughts, and knows your words before you can even speak them. And His eyes were the first to ever see you, in that secret place; for it was His hands that formed you in your mother’s womb. His voice that spoke your name for the first time, and called you to be. He is your beginning. Where you came from. The one who gave you life. And your name is written on the palms of His hands. Yes, and there are two nail pierced scars there, for you.

Why Lord? Why do you love me?

“Because you’re Mine.”

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15 Comments

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Comments

  1. Sky says

    June 7, 2014 at 2:24 am

    So beautiful! I needed that reminder :-!

    Reply
  2. naturallyhappytogether says

    June 7, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Well written. I am so happy to be following you on wordpress. So very uplifting and easy to follow. I love how you tie your life into how God sees things making it tangible for all. Nice job. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work.

    Reply
  3. Sasha says

    June 7, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    Your writing draws the reader in and captures the undivided attention. Of all the blogs I follow, yours is by far my favorite. I also finally realized God’s unconditional love for me, just because I was his, through witnessing my love for my own children. How incredible His love however never gets tired, exhausted. He never tells us “I just need a break, some me time!’ He is always there, with open arms, just waiting to love on us!

    Reply
    • Rebekah says

      June 8, 2014 at 1:35 am

      Sasha,
      First let me say I am floored that you like my writing that much. What an honor! Thank you so much. You are very much the reason I kept up with this. And your words are so true! That God doesn’t need a “break” or “me time”–and here as I read this comment from you..(that is exactly what I am doing. I am at a coffee shop slurping down something full of sugar and chocolate.) Wow, I am so thankful you said that exact thing to me for this exact moment! It brings in the reality of God’s love even more. Now I will go home refreshed, realizing God never tires of me, never even sleeps. Thank you for impacting me yet again!

      Reply
      • Sasha says

        June 10, 2014 at 3:20 am

        Oh, I am so glad it impacted you so Rebekah! It was definitely something which hit me hard at a time I really needed to know it. It is the reason we are here, right, to help encourage each other along the path of life? I am so glad we have connected and cannot wait to see all God has in store for us!

        Reply
  4. Katina says

    June 8, 2014 at 6:41 am

    I just found your blog and I love it! Our stories seem to be very similar. I am pregnant now after three years of barrenness. I read about your barrenness and it sounds so similar to what I experienced. Amazing surrender that I had never experienced. I love the way that you write and was crying as I read it because I know those feelings so well. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I also decided to start sharing about my difficulties about six months before I got pregnant. I’m almost 7 months now with a little girl on the way. 🙂

    Reply
  5. jenlar3 says

    June 9, 2014 at 2:22 am

    I fell in love with both of my daughters, from the moment I knew I was pregnant. That love only multiplied when I did meet them in person for the first time. I also fell in love with all 4 of my grandchildren, at the moment I knew they were on the way. Again, that love only grew stronger once I met them. It is amazing how powerful love for our children can be, simply because they belong to us. Why do we doubt God’s love for us when we know what He was willing to sacrifice for us??? I do it all the time, but then my grand littles remind me of how much more powerful is God’s perfect love for us.

    Reply
  6. Molly says

    June 9, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    I just found your blog through a friend and i just want to commend you on such a job well done (and ongoing job!). You are a fantastic writer and your words speak straight to my heart and soul. I mean that. I’m a new mom (9 month old baby boy) and though I have always loved God, I came to KNOW him and love him after my son was born. I desperately reached out to him and I have been in such love with his grace ever since. This blog is absolutely perfect. I love the approach and everything about it so far. Thank you!!! I look forward to reading more 🙂

    Reply
  7. Ashley says

    June 27, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Amazing! Brought me to tears. As we continue our infertile journey, I long to give my amazing christian husband from a broken home this experience. He struggles to fathom a God who requires nothing in return because he has never experienced it. I just know that when we are blessed with a child by God that he will get it….that God loves him because he is Gods and for no other reason.

    Reply
  8. Anne (Grace is my Superhero) says

    July 8, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    Lovely writing! So wonderful how God uses everything in our lives to bring us to truth and to love! I always felt like motherhood was such a privilege, because it is very best place to experience God! How beautiful for you to experience that amazing love and then describe it so well so that others can experience it as well!

    Reply
    • Rebekah says

      July 17, 2014 at 1:12 am

      Thank you so much for your kind response! You are right, I had no idea how much motherhood would draw me to God! I am glad you are experiencing this as well!

      Reply
  9. Lorri says

    July 12, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    It’s hard to find your posts in google. I found it on 18 spot,
    you should build quality backlinks , it will help you to increase traffic.
    I know how to help you, just search in google – k2 seo tricks

    Reply
    • Rebekah says

      July 17, 2014 at 1:09 am

      Lorri,
      Thank you so much for the heads up! I’m still pretty new to this, and I really appreciate your helpful advice! I will look into making those changes. 🙂

      Reply
  10. beth says

    August 12, 2014 at 9:36 am

    You have written the words of my heart over and over again. I could never fully grasp Gods love for me/us until I had my monsters. And to have it more than I can comprehend, even while knowing the ugly in me and all sins I will do later thru life is overwhelming at times.
    Your heartfelt relatable posts are just what I need to remember as a mother and believer. I can’t thank you enough for sharing a piece of yourself through these. “i am enough” leaves me sobbing everytime, knowing my struggle to find joy and grace in the day to day is not an uncommon one. Sorry to have rambled – these really have touched me and I’m so deeply grateful and blessed for it.

    Reply
    • Rebekah says

      August 14, 2014 at 2:56 am

      Beth,
      Thank you so much for your response. I am so thankful that you have been touched by my writing. Truly, I have many struggles, weaknesses, and shortcomings, and sin, but God is so gracious to me. Even though I wrote it, I often have to re-read “i am enough” to remind myself, what is so easy to forget! To see what God values. I want to prove to others, to myself, that I am successful. But success in God’s eyes is SO different. And it can’t always be measured the way we like to measure success. I am so glad you can see your value as a mother, the value of your kids, and more than anything, the value of Christ! And thank you for spurring me on to keep writing. Your words have truly been sweet to hear!
      Much love,
      Rebekah

      Reply

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Hi, I’m Rebekah Fox.

I was once a barren woman. I had a barren womb, and a very barren soul. But God saw me in my barrenness--and He delivered me. Not only of a barren womb, but a barren soul, too. He opened my eyes to His beauty all around me. And every day, I need Him to do it again, in my heart, and in my spirit. To take me from Barren to Beautiful. Because I am weak, and broken, and sinful, but He--He is beautiful. If the Spirit has led you here, perhaps He wants to take your barrenness away--and birth something more beautiful than you ever imagined.

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Rebekah Fox

barrentobeautiful

I help women struggling with infertility to hope in Christ and allow Him to transform them from barren to beautiful—on the inside. 🌸

You’re invited 🌿 The past 3 summers I’ve i You’re invited 🌿

The past 3 summers I’ve invited my readers and friends to join me in a social media fast—

and it has been extremely restorative and fruitful. 

I want to invite you to join me for this, because I have experienced how freeing this has been. It begins on June 1, but you could join whenever you are reading this.:)

There are two choices:
The Sprint—fasting June 1-July 1 🏃🏻‍♀️ 

The Marathon—fasting June 1-September 1 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

The thing is, while I love following so many of your beautiful profiles (especially those of you who write for the glory of God) the truth is, you’re not the reason I’m going. It’s everything else.

I’ve found that my soul needs breaks from scrolling, from information, from watching, and from the many voices and opinions, and the idolatry that I’m so prone to adore and replicate.

Summer has become for me, a beautiful growing time. A quiet time, and a hidden time. 

If you choose to do one of these fasts—you will miss out. You will miss out on the happenings in the Christian world, you will miss out on being seen, you will miss out on the latest controversy, and the latest debate. 

But what you will gain, is so much more. 

For you will discover the forgotten beauty of the secret place.🌿

This summer, let your greatest ambition to be this: to know Him.

Nothing could be more freeing.
Nothing could be more fruitful.

Abide in him, and he will abide in you. He is the vine, and you are the branches and apart from him, we can do nothing. 

It’s a practical move this fast. It feels like pruning shears. But he only prunes, to make us more fruitful. 

This is my last night here for a while. 

I just felt prompted to invite you on this adventure, too.🌿
I won’t see you, but God will see you. And that’s all that really matters.

The link in my bio will explain everything about how the fast works.

If you do need to get in touch, you can email me at barrentobeautifulblog@gmail.com

Happy summer!🌿

Photo cred: My daughter when we visited the @wildandfree.co Forest Cabin 2 summers ago 🌿
Early on in my writing for #ttc women, I realized Early on in my writing for #ttc women, I realized my blog posts were not enough. These grieving women needed more than a blog post, or a Facebook comment. The women with empty wombs and longing hearts—needed something to hold in their hands. 
Hope. 
They needed the hope of Christ.

I’m delighted to say my dear friends @jennmhesse and @kelramsey at @waiting.in.hope Infertility Ministry have brought this hope to bear in their new book, “Waiting in Hope.”

This is the book I would have read from the bathroom floor on the nights I wept for a baby and God felt so silent and far away. This was the book I wished I had walking the lonely journey of infertility—too ashamed to ask for help, or even prayer. 

If you are a woman #ttc let this book be the gift you buy yourself for this Mother’s Day. 

Like two, gentle loving sisters who have walked this path, Jen and Kelly will lead you to wait in Hope—for the One who himself is Hope.

He sees you. He hears you. 
And you are not alone. 
Not anymore. 

There is a beautiful community of women, full of faith, compassion, and hope that long to come around you at @waiting.in.hope . 

But you can start here, by reading these 31 reflections for walking with God through infertility. You will be so glad you did. I promise.

**a few notes about these pictures.
I wanted this book with my tulips because I have to wait so long through the winter for them to grow. They are to me, the symbol of hope each spring.🌷

Second, to get the book to lay flat, in pic #5 I had to open my hand. And it reminded me, of how infertility was a season of unclenching my fists, and opening my hands in faith and surrender and worship. Open hands are also the only posture for receiving. And I pray this book opens yours.

May this book bless you and infuse you with real, living, tangible hope. Which is, the hope of Jesus. 🌿

Purchase at 
@waiting.in.hope and follow this amazing community of support! #ttc #infertility #infertilityawareness #hope
Ah, the words I most needed to hear this morning—once again—come from God’s Word through the prophet Isaiah! A woe to those who are tempted to trust in FLESH and not SPIRIT. (That’s me!) And a call to return to the Lord, the Holy One of Israel. For he, too, is “wise and brings disaster.” 

I love what Alec Motyer writes in his commentary—which has counseled my heart so many mornings, but especially this one:
“The Lord never merely reacts to events as if sprung on him. He has prepared all beforehand is totally master of the situation.”

I encourage you to read Isaiah 31, and see Motyer’s notes here. See if your heart does tremble at the Holy One of Israel. See with what piercing accuracy the word of God penetrates your heart. 

And his final note—the blood of the lamb did not seem like enough for the Angel of death to pass over—but it was. His ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

Whatever God says, is true, and right. He alone is God—He is totally master of the situation. More than we could ever know or understand. He is worthy of all trust, all praise, all worship. I remind you, as I remind myself:
Do not rely on the flesh, for what only the Spirit of God can do. 💛
💛 💛
“I invited you, but you did not come.” It see “I invited you, but you did not come.”

It seems like a love letter, sometimes, this book, raw, aching words—though they come from God. What we see here is an invitation and a reproof. I imagine it almost like getting a beautiful wedding invitation, saying “this is what we could have had,” but then at the bottom are the painful words, “…but you were unwilling.” 

You refused to trust me, you refused to come after me, and you frantically panicked and went after other gods—who cannot save you. 

I don’t mean to add anything that’s not there, just pondering this one line out of the whole chapter 30 of Isaiah. I’ve wanted to write this verse at the end of cards and letters, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength…” and just end it there. Except I cannot edit out the very heart of God to fit my nice letter of comfort. The reproof is attached, “But you were unwilling.” These words pierce my heart. 

And I only share them to marvel at the heart of God. To allow His words to be wielded, to let them pierce our hearts. Nothing is sharper than the word of God. And it is good to ponder His word—even when it brings a sorrow, it is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance. It stings sometimes, but we must read the whole counsel of God. We must not gut it of the difficult parts. For in it, God’s heart is exposed to us—and it’s a heart so loving as we’ve never seen in anyone on earth. (Except, in the person of Jesus Christ!) 

Shortly after this, the Lord calls his people back, so tenderly it brings me to tears. What kind of love is this? What kind of God is this? Surely one who is worthy of our whole hearts, and whole lives, and ALL of our trust. 

Let us stay close to His Word, that we may know his heart. Nothing is more piercing or precise for today. He knew what He was doing when He breathed out these living words. We need them. They are life to us—for they lead to HIM. That we may know HIM as He is, and not merely as we think Him to be. 🧡 He is more wonderful than I ever thought, and still far greater than I know. I cannot probe the depths of His heart, and yet, through His word and Spirit, He probes the depths of mine.
Oh, listen to what God says in Isaiah 51:5-6! 
💛 

Lift up your eyes…

“…but my salvation will be forever, 
and my righteousness will never be dismayed.”
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