I am thinking of you tonight. Actually, I think of you often. I know how you feel when you walk through the Baby section at Target. Maybe with a gift registry in your hand, and wonder if you will ever own a tiny bathtub like the one you are buying. You wonder if you will ever own little onesies, or little shoes, or little anything. Because right now, the miracle seems so far away.
You will go to the baby shower and hear all the “Ooh’s” and “Aah’s” over every little, tiny gift, and wonder if you will ever have any little tiny gifts of your own to open? Will your stomach ever round with life? Will you ever hold a baby and whisper over him or her, the word you long to say, “Mine.”
I know how your heart aches, and waits, and wonders at a life that seems so easy for others, even “accidental” for many, but so seemingly impossible and difficult for you.
Maybe tonight you hold out fragile hands to a God, that you have to believe, hope against hope, is a good Father. And gives good gifts to His children. And that He gives bread and not stones. Even when you can’t taste it yet.
For the woman who feels He is far tonight, I’m thinking of you. For the woman who is growing weary of waiting tonight, I’m thinking of you. And for the woman who has yet to hold her child lost in miscarriage, I’m thinking of you.
And maybe you never got see your baby’s face. Maybe you never even got to give your baby a name. But God knows your baby’s face. God knows your baby’s name. He knew from the moment He breathed him or her into existence. And though your arms ache to hold that child, He is holding him or her tonight. And though you’d give the world to sing them lullabies, He sings over them tonight. And I know you have to wonder, why aren’t they here? With me? And I do not know such a mystery. All I can wonder is, perhaps the world was not worthy of them.
This world was not worthy of them.
They were too precious.
I’m not trying to make you grieve. I just want you to know that I love you tonight. And I think about you. And I want you to know God has filled me with compassion, and love, and hope for you.
Because you are the reason I started Barren to Beautiful. Your pain, and confusion, and your aching heart is the reason. And I know, we have never met. I wish we could. I wish I could hear your story. I wish I could hear your heart’s cry tonight. I wish I could console you.
And so, because I can’t, I just want to turn my gaze toward the One who can. The God who made you, and loves you, and has ordained your life with purpose. And so I’m just going to pray for you, if you want to join in:
I lift up my sister to You tonight. And though this is just a little blog post, You are a big God. And so I pray that You would break into the room where she is right now, by Your Spirit. And show her that You are real. And that You have the power, and that Your Spirit gives life.
Show her that You hear her cries in the night, even the quiet whispers of her heart. You know her dreams. You’ve seen them all. And before a word is on her tongue, O Lord, You know it completely.
You formed her together in her mother’s womb, Your eyes saw her unformed body. And all the days ordained for her were written in Your book, before one of them came to be.
And thank you that this is not the end. Thank you that endless and boundless life flows from You. Thank you that in You, death has lost it’s power. Death has lost it’s sting. And that the Day is coming when Death will be swallowed up in Life forever.
So bring comfort to her heart, and peace to her soul. And when her body is weak and gives out, be her strength. When her body fails her, month after month, let her say, “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none on earth I desire besides You. Though my heart and my flesh may fail, You are the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:25-26
God, come close to her tonight–because you say in Your Word to the barren woman,
“O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,
behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.” Isaiah 54:11
I pray you would fill her with Your Holy Spirit, and that her heart and soul would overflow with Your life. And that though her womb may be barren, her spirit would not be barren any longer. Minister to her tonight. And let her rest in You, and to wake with perfect peace as she fixes her mind on You all night long.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
P.S. My husband recorded this beautiful song in our living room the other night. And he did it for a friend who is grieving right now, but I just wanted to share it with you as well. It’s a very old hymn called, “Whate’er My God Ordains Is Right.” Click here to listen to it. Perhaps it will minister to you, as much as it does to me.
Much love. You are my heart. And feel free to connect on Facebook, or via email at [email protected] . For more of my story or encouragement during infertility, check out the posts in the Trying To Conceive category on my blog.
“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” Isaiah 30:18
Hi Rebekah! We’ve never met, but Brandon was one my near and dear friends during my time at Clarion. I’ve been following your page for months, and I so appreciate every word you write and pray. This really spoke to me tonight and was just the strength I needed. Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging others. God bless!
It is so great to hear from you! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! That is amazing you knew him in college–what a small world! May God continue to give you the comfort and peace you need, and the hope to look brightly at what He is going to do in the future. Much love for you!
Thanks for reading:)
I want to thank you for this article and for your blogs. It’s like God speaks to me through your blog.. My husband and I have been trying for a year and a half and starting Monday we begin the process of infertility testing and procedures..I’m trusting and believing God for a miracle if it’s his will. I couldn’t have read this at a better time, between the nerves of starting that process, starting my female thing last week and finding out a dear friend was accidently pregnant again..I so needed this, i needed to hear it was okay to have a rough time and that someone gets it..Anyways, sorry to bore you with my details and story.. I just wanted to thank you and say God BLess you,,mGod truly,speaks through you and helps others to know they aren’t alone…
My heart goes out to you and I understand your feelings! I hope you get encouraging news this coming week! But no matter what, I know God will fulfill His purpose for you. I know how hard it can be to wait, especially when you have no idea what is ahead. I always thought it would be easier if I just knew when I would get pregnant, or if I was never going to! But God never let me in on those details, He just had me keep trusting Him. And trusting He knew the future, and was leading me in it–no matter what it meant. May God empower your spirit to be more alive than ever in the days ahead! <3,
Rebekah…thank you. Just. Thank you. I know I’ve said it before, but I so appreciate your words and prayers…especially from someone who ‘gets it.’ And to Jenn…your details and your story are never boring. God is writing each of our stories – beautiful messes, each one – in different colors. Praying for you as you embark on this new season…
You are so welcome! I am amazed at the way God speaks, and so specifically to what we each need to hear. Thank you for praying along with me. And I agree, that no one’s story or comment is boring to me! I wish I could sit down with each reader over a cup of coffee and hear each story! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. May God give you exactly the strength and wisdom you need right now! And may God open your eyes continually to see the beauty He has placed and is placing all around you. <3,
Thank you for writing this. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for 5 years and lately my heart has just felt weary. Thank you for speaking Truth and for your prayer.
Thank you for these beautiful words and your prayer. It really spoke to my heart and the Lord consoled me through your words… Thank you for that blessing.
You are so welcome Tiffanie! So happy to know God is moving in your heart. I am excited for all that He has for you. <3, Rebekah
Thank you for your words and prayers!!
I’ve been waiting a very long time!!
Actually have 2 children in Heaven never did they get to know earth or be Born SARAI & MARC !!
But oh they were knitted together in my womb by Almighty GOD!! One day I will see them !! I got to write their names in a BOOK OF INNOCENCE!!
MY MINISTRY IS FOR THEM IS FOR
EVERY LIE FROM THE WRONGFUL ONE THE ENEMY
It’s for THE TRUTH
TRUTH ABOUT ABORTION
Because many are called but FEW are CHOSEN!!
So others know THE REAL TRUTH
TO CHANGE THE WRONG
And one day soon He alone will make all wrong right!!
More lives have been taken by Abortion than all the wars ever!!
And always 2 lives are taken!!
This choice wounds for LIFE
IT grieves Gods heart more than all else!!
It’s pain stings and regrets and resents everyday!!
Never knowing holding a baby to your breast or brushing their hair not knowing all things moms get to witness!!
SOMEONE HAS TO GO TO SHARE THE TRUTH!!
God gave me this journey I am here LORD send me!!
I pray for a platform to go to share so no others women or men choose wrongly!!
It’s the worst CHOICE EVER!
God help me speak your truth
To help those who carry this burden this hurt this scar!!
Please pray for me and my ministry!!
I’d love to start a Blog need help!!
God Bless You
Your baby is Beautiful!!!!
Love and Prayers
Hannah Bourne says
Do you have any good book recommendations on this subject?
I am at that place of barrenness. I cry all the time. I lost my job too and I feel so helpless. It’s too painful
Thank you so much for writing this with so much love. I read this often and cry. Crying tears of sadness but also tears of comfort. Thank you.
This completely and utterly met me on my couch, as I am in tears during the late night “heavy-thinking” hours. Thank-you for being so genuine and I am so grateful to have someone who has walked before me. I have been infertile for over 4 years, and it kills me. These posts are so life giving.