Maybe you thought your belly was starting to curve. Maybe you let out your gut in front of the mirror after your shower, and could swear it was protruding.
Maybe you felt a wave of nausea on the drive to work.
Maybe your bra felt tighter than usual.
Maybe you felt extra tired this month.
Maybe you had some major mood swings and your husband quipped, under his breath, “She must be pregnant.” And you pretended to roll your eyes, but inwardly you were rejoicing.
Hoping.
Dreaming.
And then you woke from that dream, two minutes after the pregnancy test. And you woke again, several days later when your period began without fail.
And maybe you scolded yourself for letting yourself believe, hope, wish that this month was different.
Maybe you vowed that you would never let yourself “expect”that you were expecting again.
Maybe your heart grew a little harder, and your dreams shrunk a little smaller. But I want to tell you something, and it might sound cliché, but it’s true:Don’t stop hoping. Don’t stop dreaming. Don’t stop praying for a miracle.
Because when you stop, something dies in you. Something that very much needs to be alive if you are going to be a mom one day.
When we were trying to conceive, I wanted to give up. There were months I charted my cycles like a statistician, and other ones I picked up all those stupid charts and threw them into the garbage, along with my dreams.
And it happened on a Sunday, that a seed was planted in me. Not by my husband, not by IVF, but by a dear friend, named Stephanie. It was just a seed of hope. She knew we had been trying, and failing. And longing, and despairing.
It was such a simple thing. I was just standing alone in the church ladies’ bathroom, drying my hands on a paper towel, and she walked in and said, quite out of the blue, “Can I pray for your womb?” I kind of laughed, and then said, “Sure.” Even though, my first thought was, “What good would that do?” Even though, I had stopped praying for a baby months ago. Even though, I already accepted this wasn’t God’s path for us. And I was trying to be okay with it. But I said, “Yes,” anyway. I told her she could pray for me. And so, she laid her hands on my flat belly, and prayed that God would bring life there, to my womb.
That was it.
But it started something in me, like a smoldering wick that suddenly burst into flame. Like the reawakening of a dream. It was hope. And it fluttered awake in me.
And I know, it can hurt to hope. It can be dangerous to hope. But without hope, everything dies.
I knew I had already tried everything in my power to become pregnant. But the great thing about hope is that, it has nothing to do with the person who is hoping, and it has everything to do with the One who is being hoped in.
And so I felt free, because I wasn’t hoping me. I was hoping in God. The One in whom all things are possible.
To the woman who thought she was pregnant and found out she wasn’t. To the woman who feels worn out with asking. To the woman who has stopped believing God hears,
He does hear you.
And to the woman who feels “past-due” for a miracle, I want to remind you of a woman who has felt this same way. Her name was Sarah, Abraham’s wife. And she could not have children. And she stopped hoping she ever could.
But when God has ordains something, it happens. And God had chosen Sarah to bear a son, even she was almost ninety years old.
“Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age; Sarah was past childbearing.” But God told Abraham that his wife will bear a child, and when she heard it, “Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” And the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?’…” Genesis 18:11-13
Maybe you feel like Sarah. Maybe you feel too old, or too jaded to believe God could do this.
But be encouraged. He can. He still can.
And you are never beyond hope.
God still brings children into the arms of a mom who will love them, at all costs. And I don’t know how it will happen. But God still does miracles in orphanages across the ocean. And God still does miracles in the foster system and the court rooms of America. And God still does miracles in the wombs of barren women.
I see one every day. She’s blonde, and her eyes are blue like the ocean, and when she smiles, it’s like Heaven breaks through.
So don’t lose hope. You need it. And let this hope reawaken your dreams. And reawaken your prayers. Because God hears you.
Don’t stop praying for a baby.
Don’t stop praying for a miracle.
Because God still hears the cries of the barren.
And He answers them.
“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
For more encouragement during infertility, check out these posts, About My Barrenness, How Far Is Too Far When Trying to Conceive, When the Barren Sing, Stop Waiting to be Happy, or any of the other posts in my Trying to Conceive Category. Please share these posts to encourage anyone struggling with this season.
Sometimes I feel like you’re writing just to me. We’ve been TTC for almost 4 years and I have just been placed on BC due to trouble with my cycle. It’s been very easy to give up hoping, especially now that I’m on BC for at least 3 months, and the thought of praying and hoping for a pregnancy is daunting. There were three-too-many cycles where I thought I was pregnant but wasn’t and those took a toll on any hope I had left that we could conceive.
But this post was a much needed reminder that when I stop hoping, I’m in a way, telling God that He’s not in control and that there’s nothing He can do. I can’t convince myself that I’ll ever have a child of my own, but I also can’t give up on hoping in the Lord and count Him out.
So thank you. This is a weary journey and although I have reached a point where I’ve accepted where we’re at, I did give up hoping. I’m going to start choosing to hope in the Lord though and begin praying that He would bless us with a baby. He can do anything and there is much hope in that.
Jennifer,
You are so welcome. It is great to hear your story. May God continue to awaken your hope in who He is. He is always doing more than we can see presently. <3 Rebekah
Thank you ❤️
You are welcome Mim!
This was just beautiful. So many things lately have reminded me to continue hoping, even when it is painful. Thank you for sharing what is on your heart. I find it so encouraging when those who once experienced infertility, but then went on to have kids, still remember and can connect with us who are still going through it.
I’m so happy to hear that you are being reminded to hope again. And though I’m a mom now, I still remember so well the time waiting to be one, and wondering if I ever would be. I’m thankful for the people God put in my life to help me not lose hope in Him. May God surround you with people who keep pointing you back to Him. Much love to you!
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Hi Lauren,
Did you have a question?
Lol! I was posting on my phone and typed in 3 hearts….apparently they didn’t translate very well! Gotta love technology! No question, just loved the post!
Lol! I was using my phone and typed 3 heart emoticons…apparently they didn’t translate very well! Oops! No question, just loved the post!
Haha, okay Lauren, glad to hear! I was worried I said something offensive! But I am happy you liked it and could be encouraged through it!!! <3 Rebekah
Loved this post. Beautifully written. Thank you for this post.
Awe, you are welcome!! Much love.<3 Rebekah
Beautifully written, Rebekah! I want to echo your sentiments exactly and also urge women to not give up hope. My husband and I tried for 5 years, and last Spring after experiencing sharp pain, went back to our fertility specialist to find out what was wrong. Two years before that, he had diagnosed me with endometriosis, which I had supposedly had since my young teen years. On our first visit to him, he was very optimistic that he could work with what he saw and help get us pregnant. That visit last spring shattered my dreams as his exact words after examining me were, “I believe in miracles, but I don’t want to get your hopes up. I wouldn’t even recommend in vitro… the odds are just not there.” He even told me that I should consider having my ovaries removed sooner rather than later to prevent more scarring and pain. The entire rest of that year was spent slowly letting go of that dream, a painful painful process. Come November, the pain was coming back, and I felt very “off”… not knowing why, I assumed it was just the endo getting worse again. Maybe I should have listened to his advice and had my ovaries out. Christmas Eve, we were at my parents house visiting. I knew I was late, but since giving up hope, I hadn’t kept track of my days, so I had no idea just how late I was. I just assumed my body was off it’s kilter. But, I told my husband to go buy the cheapest pregnancy test he could find, just to confirm that that wasn’t the reason why. He came back and handed it to me, and I went into the bathroom like I had for the past four years, defeated and sure that it was a waste of money and energy. It said positive. I stared at it for a good thirty seconds, comparing the picture to the box, knowing what it meant, but still so shocked that I just had to make sure I was reading it right. But there was no mistaking the very dark plus sign. Then, I lost it. I ran out of the bathroom, found my husband, and we just held each other and cried for about five minutes. I’m now due in two week!. I just wanted to add also that even when you feel too tired, weak, or discouraged to pray yourself, God is still at work. I’ve had so many people come forward that I never even knew thought much or cared deeply about my struggle with infertility. They’ve rejoiced with us upon our announcement and told us that they’d been praying consistently for God to open my womb and bless us with a child. God does hear our prayers, and He does answer. What a mighty God we have!!!
This comment made me cry! We took longer to conceive than planned and I was so heartbroken and scared it would never happen. Especially since we had been married for awhile and had to wait to have kids, i was scared we had waited too long and now my body wouldn’t cooperate…
Anyway, the morning I got my positive test I went into hysterics! I could NOT believe it. My husband thought something was terribly wrong! Haha
My baby girlis now almost two and I thank God forher everyday. She is a precious gift.
I know you are so excited about your baby!!
Stephanie,
What an amazing testimony you have!!! Praise God for the miracle growing inside you, whom you will soon meet!! Kiss her for me! Also, I know how you must have felt taking that pregnancy test! I remember the night I took mine and my husband shouted up the stairs, “Want me to pause the movie??” And I shouted, “No!” I figured it would just be negative anyway. But needless to say, we never did finish the movie that night, or ever–because it was positive. I was so stunned at what God had done. It just shows in your case, that even when the doctor’s are scratching their heads, God is not. He knows His perfect plan, whether it is through the womb, through the orphanage, or through the foster system, or something else entirely. Rejoicing with you. <3 Rebekah
I needed this so bad!!!!! This month has been extra hard but you always seem to know exactly what I need to hear!!!
Awe, Emily. I am so happy to know that. God just laid this message on my heart, when I was doing some dishes actually. I’m so glad He is speaking to you, and filling your heart with hope. <3 Rebekah
love this! Thank you for sharing! xo
Elisha,
You are so welcome! And I actually just discovered your blog a few weeks ago, and read a few posts of yours. Let me just say I LOVED what I found there! You are doing an amazing job girl. Keep hoping in the One who will not fail or forsake you. <3
Thank you so much for this post! Even though I feel content with where God has my husband and me right now in experiencing infertility (we’ve been TTC for 2 1/2 years), we still hope and pray He gives us a miracle one day. But some days/months/social events are just.plain.hard. Thank you for understanding. And thank you for encouraging those of us on this journey.
Allie,
You are welcome. I know some days are hard, and some nights are long. But don’t give up, God is going to fulfill His purpose for you, and He will reveal it in His perfect time. xo
I just found your blog today and already love it. Your heart for the LORD is contagious. Due to genetic issues my husband and I are not able to conceive. We began the infertility treatment route but very soon found this was not what the LORD wanted us to due so we abandoned that option. After 13 years of marriage and much prayer, anger, despair etc we adopted our son at 2 days old. He is now 22 months and is absolutely amazing. I marvel everyday that God would allow this blessing into my life. Adoption was the way the LORD led us and I’m so glad we listened. I would lie if I said its not still hard sometimes but I would go thru it all over again in order to be my sons mom. My advice to the waiting, be open to the way God may choose to grow your family it may not be the way you think it should go but rich blessing is in store for the obedient. I know well the times when it took to much effort to even pray about a child, in those times I would simply groan “God remember me!!!” That simple cry was enough to get me through some very hard times. And He did remember me now I can say “my soul rejoices in the LORD”.
What an awesome testimony of God’s faithfulness. Adoption is so amazing, and such a picture of God’s love. I am so happy for you about your son, and also that you turned your distress to the Lord, and He answered your cries.
What an amazing post, thank you so much! I just recently came across your blog the other night and read about 10 different posts in one sitting – so many wonderful and inspirational words! This one especially helped reaffirm my faith and trust in the Lord as I continue to try and navigate my way through this journey of infertility. He is a good God and always there… and has a plan, somehow, in all of this – just gotta continue to pray and have faith! Thank you for sharing!
Oh, thank you so much for taking the time to read through so many of my posts! You are so encouraging! And you are right, He has a plan and He will bring it about, in His time, and in His way! May He continue to satisfy and lead you closer to Him as He reveals His beautiful purpose for you! Much love! xo, Rebekah
Hi there,
I have tried to search for peace in my heart and mind…but everything seems complicated in my life without a child. What you spoke about is an answer to my prayer ‘A sister and a friend in Christ Jesus’.
I have been married for 2 years and still no miracles for a child. I have gone through heartaches and even lost hope in everything I do..
I would like to request you kindly send me your personal mail where we can chat concerning my true problems for I am in need of a close friend who is a true believer in Jesus Christ.
Thank you so much for your help!
A sister in Christ Linda,
from India.
Linda,
I am happy the Lord led you here! And I would love to hear from you. You can email me more personally at [email protected] or message me at facebook.com/barrentobeautiful . Looking forward to hearing from you,
Rebekah 🙂
My heart needed this today. We’ve been trying ten months now and every single month, I am convinced this is the time. Two months ago I got a very faint false positive, and it nearly broke me. But God spoke to me in that time and carried me through, and he is teaching me to hope and trust again. Thank you for your beautiful words, this blog has been of great encouragement to me.
Thank you! The article perfectly expressed what is so hard to express to those around you. Its the feeling of sadness and grief every month when your period arrives.
This is soooo me… I love this “But the great thing about hope is that, it has nothing to do with the person who is hoping, and it has everything to do with the One who is being hoped in”. The stress of hoping and then being disappointed later, and the pressure of people around us always asking “still not have one?” Thank you for giving me HOPE! Thank you for reminding me to never stop praying, because honestly, i already accepted the fact that if this is God’s will for us so be it. My husband and I are planning to try (again) AI next year and I hope that this is what God plans for us. (Sorry for my wordings, im not really good at giving comments like this). And THANK YOU AGAIN…