Today is Lie #3 of the the “4 Lies the Barren Woman Believes” mini-series. If you missed Lie #1 or #2, check out the two posts before this one. And may the Truth set you free!
Lie #3: I can’t have children because I am not good enough. If I were more “righteous” God would reward me with babies. God is punishing me for a past sin.
Truth: Oh sister. You know this one isn’t true—why do you believe it?
Let’s debunk this lie a little bit.
Children are a blessing. There is no doubt about it. Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
However, God also says that, “He makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45 ESV) The rising sun and falling rain are symbols of blessing. God actually pours out His blessings on the just and the unjust. Both saints and sinners.
If He only gave babies to the ones who were “righteous” enough—pretty much no one would have babies. (Like ever.) His word says, “None is righteous, no, not one.” (Romans 3:11) And God says that our most righteous deeds to “filthy rags.” (Isaiah 64:6) So let’s stop believing, “If I’m just a little more righteous, then I will conceive.” Because if that’s true, you will just keep heaping heavy burdens on your back. Children are a blessing and a gift to be received, not earned.
God is wise. In a way we can’t fully comprehend in this life. The fact that you can’t conceive is more based in His wisdom and purpose for your life, and not based on your good or bad deeds.
Look around, are the people with babies righteous? Some are, many aren’t. Using “righteousness” to obtain blessing from the Lord is a D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S place to be. This was the trap the Pharisees fell into. They thought their “righteous” deeds “earned” them a blessing. And that’s why they were furious when “sinners” were inheriting that blessing before them.
Ladies, I get it. I too have wondered, “What is wrong with me? Why does that teen-mom keep pushing her baby past my house? Why does it seem like this works for everybody else—except me? Did I do something wrong to make God close up my womb?”
While it’s good to ask God to reveal your past or present sins and aim to live a righteous life—you have to remember God’s immense grace for you. Grace is unmerited favor. Un-earned. Don’t get trapped into believing that you can “earn” a baby, or anything else for that matter. None of us can “achieve,” or “produce,” or be “holy” enough to earn God’s blessing. And yet, He is so gracious. It’s because of Him that we are saved by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, and not by anything we could do.
I encourage you to keep crying out to Him and bring your requests before Him, just as Hannah did. But as you do, put your hope in His faithfulness, and not in your righteousness.
“But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.” Psalm 13:5
For more in this series, read “4 Lies Barren Believe-Part 1“, “Part 2,” and “Part 4“. Or, read any blog posts in the “Trying To Conceive” category.
A few you might like are:
“To the Woman Who Thought She Was Pregnant, When She Wasn’t”
“5 Important Questions The Barren Woman Should Ask”
“To The Woman Still Longing To Be A Mom”
I love your posts. This is so good.
Even though I agree whole-heartedly w/ God’s wisdom dictating the time of certain things, I have a really hard time actually believing it.
This is an honest question. I’m not trying to proclaim anything.
Is God really responsible for every delay & every pregnancy’s timing?
I work with teen girls w/ terrible mental illness, living in bad families & pregnant from other mentally ill & impoverished boyfriends.
And they get to keep their babies, no adoption, no matter how they abuse them w/ alcohol in their womb. There’s girls with their 2nd baby in the women’s shelter here in town, their brains fried on drugs, & they keep their babies. Some just for social security.
It’s awful hard for me to believe God “did it”, but for sure He’s powerful enough to use it.
My Mom is a product of a tragic rape & given up for adoption to a wonderful Christian family I’m proud to call my grandparents.
Abi,
This is a great question, and I’m glad you asked it. I will have to do a bit of research biblically (because I don’t want to quote scripture out of the air–not knowing exactly what it says.) So, I will have to look a little deeper. I do believe that life is only ever formed from God, since he is the life-giver. And he is the only one who can open the womb. (Again, I will have to look for scripture reference, to make sure I’m accurate here.) But I have wrestled with these questions myself. I remember wanting to scream at the teen moms pushing their strollers past my house, blowing clouds of smoke. I wanted to rescue their babies. And I wish I could have. I do believe God is soveriegn, but he does give us the freedom to make choices. (Obviously, those teens made the choice to have sex, do drugs, etc.) Like you said with your mom, God can redeem any life, and that is amazing your mom was adopted by such wonderful parents. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around, because Scripture tells me in Psalm 139 that God forms us in the secret place, and even “all the days of my life have been written in Your book, before one of them came to be.” And yet, we also see in Scripture, the effects of sin, and death. God’s original design was perfect (there would be no miscarriage, or infertility, or stillbirths) but the perfect world He intended was marred by the sin of man, and the fall. (I’m just thinking out loud here.) But that’s why He sent Jesus, to bring redemption to our fallen world. And while Jesus offers us salvation for eternity, things are still broken by sin here on the earth. So, as for pregnancy delay, or barrenness–I don’t think that is what God intended. I think He grieves with us, just like if someone were to have cancer. And yet, He holds the power to heal any moment, and is still soveriegn. I hope I’m not confusing you even more. Let me look a little more into this, and get back to you. Thanks for helping me wrestle through this–because I think this is an important question, and points to what God is like. And it’s good to think about this. Thanks for starting the conversation. Would love to hear any of your thoughts, also. <3