“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…” Psalm 37:7
This was our verse for my secondary infertility journey. In April 2014, my husband and I were blessed with a wonderful daughter. Shortly before her we had a miscarriage and we were so thankful to have her. We both hoped for her to have a sibling so we started trying for another baby after she turned 1. This turned into several years of waiting. I made a wooden sign with the verse from Psalm 37 as a daily reminder to wait on Jesus.
It was a hard season, but it was such a time of growth for me as I dug into God’s word, searching for comfort in him, and as I cried out to him. Daily, I had to surrender my pain, jealousy, dreams, and my desires for my life. Looking back over my prayer journal these are some of the things that God has taught me:
He has a bigger plan than I can imagine and I don’t have to try to figure it out. I just need to live for him.
Jesus is my greatest joy in all circumstances.
I learned to praise him more.
Faith isn’t asking for what I want and waiting for it to happen; it is trusting in his will.
It was such a teaching opportunity for our first daughter. She would long for and shed tears for a sibling. All we could do as parents was to encourage her to pray and teach her that Jesus would be her forever friend no matter whether we were blessed with another child or not.
During this journey I did the “Yet I Will Rejoice” study (written by Kristy at Organic Christian Living) with the Barren to Beautiful Community Facebook group. It was so encouraging and such a blessing to be a part of. Around the time of doing this study both my husband and I felt God speaking to us of a promise of another child. We didn’t know what this would look like exactly, but we were trying to trust him.
Last Christmas 2017, was a pivotal point in our journey. We had decided to pursue some fertility treatments with a sense of peace from God that this was the right step for us. After two failed IUI’s I was very low during Christmas. I went for a walk in the snow in order to be alone with Jesus. I sang, read my Bible, and cried many tears to him.
On that cold day in the stillness Jesus spoke to me and asked me to trust him and wait on Him.
In that moment I felt a peace that I cannot explain. Nothing in my circumstances had changed, but Jesus was there telling me to just rest in Him.
We had one more IUI that was planned and after praying, both my husband and I decided that if this didn’t work, then we were done with doing any more treatments (it was very stressful & emotional, etc). It felt like we were giving it all to him and I felt peace with the possibility of only being blessed with one child and that God knows what’s best. We did the IUI and then we went on a pastor/spouse retreat (my husband is in ministry). During the retreat I was praying and reading my Bible when this verse came up next in my reading:
“We will tell the next generation the praise worthy deeds of the Lord, his power and the wonders he has done…so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children” (Psalm 78:4-6).
After reading this I thought, “Whoa! What are you saying Lord?” I felt that God was giving me hope of his promise to us.
A few weeks later, my husband found out the devastating news that the lead pastor of our church, that he was working under, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. That was the same day we found out that I was pregnant. It was a season of both joy and sorrow, but this new life gave us and others, hope in the midst of the sadness and loss. God’s timing is perfect.
I will never forget the look on our daughter’s face when we told her that God had answered her prayers for a sibling. To this day, she still often says how thankful she is for her sister. This whole experience has deepened her faith greatly.
In October 2018, we welcomed another sweet baby girl into our family. God is so faithful. No matter what happens, he never changes. He knows what is best and he has truly given me the desires of my heart. I hope my story encourages you to draw close to Jesus and trust in his perfect love no matter what his plan is.
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony Keristan! We praise God for the miracle He has done in your family. And we share in the hope that Jesus is with each one of us, and wants us to rest in Him, no matter what His plan is. Thank you for the reminder that He is good, and can be trusted.
If you read this testimony and thought, “Hey, I’d like to read that infertility Bible reading plan she mentioned!” You can! Head over to OrganicChristianLiving.com and click on the “Yet I Will Rejoice: Infertility Bible Reading Plan.” Our friend Kristy has developed a wonderful plan (and many others) to read through, which we did as a community in the Barren to Beautiful Community Facebook group. You can join our closed community of women as well for personal encouragement and hope.
Much love, Rebekah