I have experienced love-at-first-sight my life only one time: the night my daughter was born. I remember them placing her slippery little body into my frail, shaky arms. And the moment I saw her, touched her; all at once, I loved her. All of me, loved all of her. This avalanche happened in my heart and never stopped flowing. A love so violent, so powerful—I did not even know I was capable of it. Like something burst; the floodgates broke open, and would never close again. She had done nothing to win or lose my affection, to prove her ability, to show her worth. It didn’t matter. I knew her worth. And I would love her forever. Simply because: she was mine.
Having a child does something to you. It stretches you, stretches your heart so that it can never go back. I think all mothers feel this. Whether they have only been mothers for a few months or fifty years. We can apply creams and lotions to stretch marks on our bodies, but nothing can remove the stretch marks on your soul. You have been changed forever. The love you feel for them is like this mountain, it cannot be moved. Simply because: they are yours.
I struggled for a long time to know God’s love. People talked about it, I read about it in the Bible, heard songs about it—but could never really feel it. So I tried to be perfect, like a friend who always did everything so right, you would never have a reason to be mad at them. Ever. But that didn’t work. I was a sinner through and through. I failed and floundered. I would pull up my bootstraps, try so hard to prove myself, and when I didn’t—I just felt further from His love. As if His love were based on my performance, going up and down like the stock market. (But usually crashing.) I wanted to cry out to God, to ask Him how He could love me? And why? But would my cry make Him swoon with sympathy and grace, or roll His eyes with irritation? Did He really like me, or just kind of tolerate me?
As I wrestled these questions, I began to ask God the thing I really wanted to know for so long: “Why do You love me?”
Imagine your child asking you this. It would be a baffling, heart-paining question to any mother or father. “What, do you mean, ‘Why do I love you?’” But your child’s face is earnest; they really don’t know what you thought was obvious all along.
“God, why do you love me?”
And at last, He answered,
“Because you’re Mine.”
And suddenly all the doubts and fears and striving for perfection are all—gone. I am His. And for the first time, I know it. He has pledged Himself to me. He has made a way through His Son Jesus to atone me. To cleanse me with His blood. To make a way. Not because of what I have done, but because of what He has done. He has made me His own. And no one can pry me out of His hands. Ever. When He sees me in the End, seeing Him, He will look at me and shout, “Mine!”
“She is Mine.”
How my heart leaps for that day, and so should every single son and daughter of God. Because this is the truth. Scripture confirms it again and again. And the Holy Spirit makes us taste it’s reality.
A mother’s love is one of the most powerful forces in the world, but it is just a small touch of what God feels for us. The way we feel about our children, is the way God feels about His—but even more.
God says, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, Yet I will not forget you. Behold I have engraved you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.” Isaiah 49:15-16
Could it be that this powerful, sovereign, maker of heaven and earth, loves and is aroused with avalanche-like compassion for me, the same way I am for my daughter?
Yes.
But even more so. His love is stronger than a mother’s love, because His love is perfect. Without the sin, or stress, or short tempers, or moods. His love is more constant, wise, knows exactly what you need, and never lacks the power to give it. His love is more intimate, so much that He counts your tears, numbers the hairs on your head, and hears the quietest whisper of your heart. He sees your dreams, hears your thoughts, and knows your words before you can even speak them. And His eyes were the first to ever see you, in that secret place; for it was His hands that formed you in your mother’s womb. His voice that spoke your name for the first time, and called you to be. He is your beginning. Where you came from. The one who gave you life. And your name is written on the palms of His hands. Yes, and there are two nail pierced scars there, for you.
Why Lord? Why do you love me?
“Because you’re Mine.”
So beautiful! I needed that reminder :-!
Well written. I am so happy to be following you on wordpress. So very uplifting and easy to follow. I love how you tie your life into how God sees things making it tangible for all. Nice job. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Your writing draws the reader in and captures the undivided attention. Of all the blogs I follow, yours is by far my favorite. I also finally realized God’s unconditional love for me, just because I was his, through witnessing my love for my own children. How incredible His love however never gets tired, exhausted. He never tells us “I just need a break, some me time!’ He is always there, with open arms, just waiting to love on us!
Sasha,
First let me say I am floored that you like my writing that much. What an honor! Thank you so much. You are very much the reason I kept up with this. And your words are so true! That God doesn’t need a “break” or “me time”–and here as I read this comment from you..(that is exactly what I am doing. I am at a coffee shop slurping down something full of sugar and chocolate.) Wow, I am so thankful you said that exact thing to me for this exact moment! It brings in the reality of God’s love even more. Now I will go home refreshed, realizing God never tires of me, never even sleeps. Thank you for impacting me yet again!
Oh, I am so glad it impacted you so Rebekah! It was definitely something which hit me hard at a time I really needed to know it. It is the reason we are here, right, to help encourage each other along the path of life? I am so glad we have connected and cannot wait to see all God has in store for us!
I just found your blog and I love it! Our stories seem to be very similar. I am pregnant now after three years of barrenness. I read about your barrenness and it sounds so similar to what I experienced. Amazing surrender that I had never experienced. I love the way that you write and was crying as I read it because I know those feelings so well. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I also decided to start sharing about my difficulties about six months before I got pregnant. I’m almost 7 months now with a little girl on the way. 🙂
I fell in love with both of my daughters, from the moment I knew I was pregnant. That love only multiplied when I did meet them in person for the first time. I also fell in love with all 4 of my grandchildren, at the moment I knew they were on the way. Again, that love only grew stronger once I met them. It is amazing how powerful love for our children can be, simply because they belong to us. Why do we doubt God’s love for us when we know what He was willing to sacrifice for us??? I do it all the time, but then my grand littles remind me of how much more powerful is God’s perfect love for us.
I just found your blog through a friend and i just want to commend you on such a job well done (and ongoing job!). You are a fantastic writer and your words speak straight to my heart and soul. I mean that. I’m a new mom (9 month old baby boy) and though I have always loved God, I came to KNOW him and love him after my son was born. I desperately reached out to him and I have been in such love with his grace ever since. This blog is absolutely perfect. I love the approach and everything about it so far. Thank you!!! I look forward to reading more 🙂
Amazing! Brought me to tears. As we continue our infertile journey, I long to give my amazing christian husband from a broken home this experience. He struggles to fathom a God who requires nothing in return because he has never experienced it. I just know that when we are blessed with a child by God that he will get it….that God loves him because he is Gods and for no other reason.
Lovely writing! So wonderful how God uses everything in our lives to bring us to truth and to love! I always felt like motherhood was such a privilege, because it is very best place to experience God! How beautiful for you to experience that amazing love and then describe it so well so that others can experience it as well!
Thank you so much for your kind response! You are right, I had no idea how much motherhood would draw me to God! I am glad you are experiencing this as well!
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Lorri,
Thank you so much for the heads up! I’m still pretty new to this, and I really appreciate your helpful advice! I will look into making those changes. 🙂
You have written the words of my heart over and over again. I could never fully grasp Gods love for me/us until I had my monsters. And to have it more than I can comprehend, even while knowing the ugly in me and all sins I will do later thru life is overwhelming at times.
Your heartfelt relatable posts are just what I need to remember as a mother and believer. I can’t thank you enough for sharing a piece of yourself through these. “i am enough” leaves me sobbing everytime, knowing my struggle to find joy and grace in the day to day is not an uncommon one. Sorry to have rambled – these really have touched me and I’m so deeply grateful and blessed for it.
Beth,
Thank you so much for your response. I am so thankful that you have been touched by my writing. Truly, I have many struggles, weaknesses, and shortcomings, and sin, but God is so gracious to me. Even though I wrote it, I often have to re-read “i am enough” to remind myself, what is so easy to forget! To see what God values. I want to prove to others, to myself, that I am successful. But success in God’s eyes is SO different. And it can’t always be measured the way we like to measure success. I am so glad you can see your value as a mother, the value of your kids, and more than anything, the value of Christ! And thank you for spurring me on to keep writing. Your words have truly been sweet to hear!
Much love,
Rebekah