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Barren to Beautiful

How Spilled Cheerios Taught Me To Laugh

Motherhood

18 Feb

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high chair
“Watch this, Mom!” my daughter said this morning at breakfast. Before I could respond, I watched her toss her bowl of dry Cheerios up in the air, and try to catch them in the bowl. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” I screamed a deep, bellowing scream–as the Cheerios cascaded through the air and scattered all across the kitchen floor. “Ughh!!!” I screamed again. “Why did you do that!?”

“Don’t you know you aren’t supposed to throw your food on the floor??!!”

“Pick these up right now!!” I glared.

The look on my 3-year-old’s face showed me how terrifying I must have looked in that moment. For one, when I screamed, “NOOOOOO!!” it was the same pitch and intensity that Frodo screams in the Lord of the Rings when Gandalf falls off the cliff.

Pretty good for 8:10 a.m.

We were off to a great start. I’d like to add that I read this post last night about how God desires mothers to be gentle creatures. It was a great idea–gentleness. And it was a great post–I shared it with a bunch of friends before bed.

Too bad in real life (and especially before I’ve had my coffee), I’m not a gentle creature, but more like a creature from Middle Earth.

Realizing this, I knelt down…, “Selah,” I said, “Was that just an accident?” She nodded her head, looking up at me with her big blue eyes. “Were you trying to catch the Cheerios in your bowl?” She nodded again, and fell into my arms for an embrace.

“I’m sorry, honey,” I said, “Everyone makes mistakes. Even Mom.”

“It’s okay, let’s clean them up together,” I said.

We picked up as many as we could and put them in the trash. Then Selah said, looking dissapointed, “But I really wanted some Cheerios, Mom.”

I told her the ones on the floor were dirty–but I could get her a new bowl. “Here, I’m going to put you in the high-chair this time so you don’t spill. And let Mommy get them for you.”

I put her in her high-chair (which we don’t use much any more–except when I feel like she is acting sort of baby-ish.) I poured her another hefty helping of Cheerios into her little plastic Ikea bowl and said, “Be careful this time.” And…I kid you not…as I was about to hand her the bowl–I bumped my elbow on a kitchen chair–and the bowl and all the Cheerios went flying through the air. And then scattered all across the kitchen floor.

My jaw dropped, Selah’s jaw dropped–and then our eyes met.

And we burst out laughing.

We laughed hysterically–as we looked around at the plague of Cheerios that covered our kitchen floor.

And I swallowed hard. I was such a hypocite. And I knew it.

And she knew it. But she didn’t look at me like that. She just kept smiling.

Instead of screaming at me, or giving me the “ugly sigh.” (Like I would do to her.)

She giggled. And I giggled. And we couldn’t stop.

“I have accidents, too,” I said.

I got my broom, and said, “Do you want to help me?”

“Yes!” she cheered. I pulled her out of her high-chair and she grabbed her little broom and swept with a smile, and crushed some under her bare toes–but I couldn’t help but smile back.

I guess sometimes grace comes from the eyes of a child. And grace isn’t really as complicated as we make it. It’s simply laughing, instead of sighing. It’s biting your tongue, instead of screaming. It’s letting accidents be accidents. And it’s pausing to realize what your reaction (a.k.a. “wrath”) means to the heart of a child.

I think laughter is evidence of a gracious person. If you want to know if you are gracious–how much do you laugh?

She’s actually better at it than I am.

But I’m learning.

To laugh.

And to ask my 3-year-old for forgiveness when I lose it.

And to feel the power of recieving it from her.

And God is so faithful to expose my Orc-like heart–especially as a writer who wants to hide behind my words. He shows me my actions. Even the morning after I share great blog posts about “gentleness” with a bunch of my friends.

He humbles me. Whether it’s by me bumping my elbow, and spilling the Cheerios, or whether He sent an angel to smack them out of my hands (I really think it might be the second one–because they went flying.) But either way: He humbles me.

Right in front of my daughter.

And He reminds me I need Him even more than I thought I did. I need His love, and grace—and she needs it. She needs to see it on my face, and in my eyes. She needs to hear it in my laugh.

And He reminds me, in the voice of a little girl, that grace laughs.

And picks up Cheerios. One at a time.

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Comments

  1. mrsburnett27 says

    February 18, 2016 at 2:50 am

    This was a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Rebekah says

      February 18, 2016 at 2:52 am

      Thank you! (I’m still finding stray Cheerios here and there, lol.) 😉

      Reply
  2. Tamara says

    February 18, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    Wow. This is good. I can totally relate. Maybe that’s why I found myself laughing hysterically… and crying too, while reading this post!

    Reply
  3. Michelle says

    March 1, 2016 at 2:03 am

    I love this! Thank you for being so real. I can totally relate to this kind of experience where I get upset w my kids for something and then I do the exact same thing (sigh). God gives us so much grace every day! He is helping me to be more gentle in my responses to my kids but I still fall short way more than I would like. So thankful for His grace!

    Reply
    • Rebekah says

      March 2, 2016 at 3:03 am

      Michelle,
      Thanks so much for reading and your sweet encouragment! I am grateful for the times God decides to humble me–it can be pretty hilarious around here, haha. Glad you can relate, lol. I too am thankful for His grace, and His gentleness–something I want to learn MORE of. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Karen says

    February 25, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    This was so beautiful, how in chaos we have the best laughter. xoxo Just found you and love you in Christ my sister. Me, still waiting on Gods plan, and having to throw my timeline out. 🙂

    Reply

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Hi, I’m Rebekah Fox.

I was once a barren woman. I had a barren womb, and a very barren soul. But God saw me in my barrenness--and He delivered me. Not only of a barren womb, but a barren soul, too. He opened my eyes to His beauty all around me. And every day, I need Him to do it again, in my heart, and in my spirit. To take me from Barren to Beautiful. Because I am weak, and broken, and sinful, but He--He is beautiful. If the Spirit has led you here, perhaps He wants to take your barrenness away--and birth something more beautiful than you ever imagined.

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Rebekah Fox

barrentobeautiful

I help women struggling with infertility to hope in Christ and allow Him to transform them from barren to beautiful—on the inside. 🌸

You’re invited 🌿 The past 3 summers I’ve i You’re invited 🌿

The past 3 summers I’ve invited my readers and friends to join me in a social media fast—

and it has been extremely restorative and fruitful. 

I want to invite you to join me for this, because I have experienced how freeing this has been. It begins on June 1, but you could join whenever you are reading this.:)

There are two choices:
The Sprint—fasting June 1-July 1 🏃🏻‍♀️ 

The Marathon—fasting June 1-September 1 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

The thing is, while I love following so many of your beautiful profiles (especially those of you who write for the glory of God) the truth is, you’re not the reason I’m going. It’s everything else.

I’ve found that my soul needs breaks from scrolling, from information, from watching, and from the many voices and opinions, and the idolatry that I’m so prone to adore and replicate.

Summer has become for me, a beautiful growing time. A quiet time, and a hidden time. 

If you choose to do one of these fasts—you will miss out. You will miss out on the happenings in the Christian world, you will miss out on being seen, you will miss out on the latest controversy, and the latest debate. 

But what you will gain, is so much more. 

For you will discover the forgotten beauty of the secret place.🌿

This summer, let your greatest ambition to be this: to know Him.

Nothing could be more freeing.
Nothing could be more fruitful.

Abide in him, and he will abide in you. He is the vine, and you are the branches and apart from him, we can do nothing. 

It’s a practical move this fast. It feels like pruning shears. But he only prunes, to make us more fruitful. 

This is my last night here for a while. 

I just felt prompted to invite you on this adventure, too.🌿
I won’t see you, but God will see you. And that’s all that really matters.

The link in my bio will explain everything about how the fast works.

If you do need to get in touch, you can email me at barrentobeautifulblog@gmail.com

Happy summer!🌿

Photo cred: My daughter when we visited the @wildandfree.co Forest Cabin 2 summers ago 🌿
Early on in my writing for #ttc women, I realized Early on in my writing for #ttc women, I realized my blog posts were not enough. These grieving women needed more than a blog post, or a Facebook comment. The women with empty wombs and longing hearts—needed something to hold in their hands. 
Hope. 
They needed the hope of Christ.

I’m delighted to say my dear friends @jennmhesse and @kelramsey at @waiting.in.hope Infertility Ministry have brought this hope to bear in their new book, “Waiting in Hope.”

This is the book I would have read from the bathroom floor on the nights I wept for a baby and God felt so silent and far away. This was the book I wished I had walking the lonely journey of infertility—too ashamed to ask for help, or even prayer. 

If you are a woman #ttc let this book be the gift you buy yourself for this Mother’s Day. 

Like two, gentle loving sisters who have walked this path, Jen and Kelly will lead you to wait in Hope—for the One who himself is Hope.

He sees you. He hears you. 
And you are not alone. 
Not anymore. 

There is a beautiful community of women, full of faith, compassion, and hope that long to come around you at @waiting.in.hope . 

But you can start here, by reading these 31 reflections for walking with God through infertility. You will be so glad you did. I promise.

**a few notes about these pictures.
I wanted this book with my tulips because I have to wait so long through the winter for them to grow. They are to me, the symbol of hope each spring.🌷

Second, to get the book to lay flat, in pic #5 I had to open my hand. And it reminded me, of how infertility was a season of unclenching my fists, and opening my hands in faith and surrender and worship. Open hands are also the only posture for receiving. And I pray this book opens yours.

May this book bless you and infuse you with real, living, tangible hope. Which is, the hope of Jesus. 🌿

Purchase at 
@waiting.in.hope and follow this amazing community of support! #ttc #infertility #infertilityawareness #hope
Ah, the words I most needed to hear this morning—once again—come from God’s Word through the prophet Isaiah! A woe to those who are tempted to trust in FLESH and not SPIRIT. (That’s me!) And a call to return to the Lord, the Holy One of Israel. For he, too, is “wise and brings disaster.” 

I love what Alec Motyer writes in his commentary—which has counseled my heart so many mornings, but especially this one:
“The Lord never merely reacts to events as if sprung on him. He has prepared all beforehand is totally master of the situation.”

I encourage you to read Isaiah 31, and see Motyer’s notes here. See if your heart does tremble at the Holy One of Israel. See with what piercing accuracy the word of God penetrates your heart. 

And his final note—the blood of the lamb did not seem like enough for the Angel of death to pass over—but it was. His ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

Whatever God says, is true, and right. He alone is God—He is totally master of the situation. More than we could ever know or understand. He is worthy of all trust, all praise, all worship. I remind you, as I remind myself:
Do not rely on the flesh, for what only the Spirit of God can do. 💛
💛 💛
“I invited you, but you did not come.” It see “I invited you, but you did not come.”

It seems like a love letter, sometimes, this book, raw, aching words—though they come from God. What we see here is an invitation and a reproof. I imagine it almost like getting a beautiful wedding invitation, saying “this is what we could have had,” but then at the bottom are the painful words, “…but you were unwilling.” 

You refused to trust me, you refused to come after me, and you frantically panicked and went after other gods—who cannot save you. 

I don’t mean to add anything that’s not there, just pondering this one line out of the whole chapter 30 of Isaiah. I’ve wanted to write this verse at the end of cards and letters, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength…” and just end it there. Except I cannot edit out the very heart of God to fit my nice letter of comfort. The reproof is attached, “But you were unwilling.” These words pierce my heart. 

And I only share them to marvel at the heart of God. To allow His words to be wielded, to let them pierce our hearts. Nothing is sharper than the word of God. And it is good to ponder His word—even when it brings a sorrow, it is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance. It stings sometimes, but we must read the whole counsel of God. We must not gut it of the difficult parts. For in it, God’s heart is exposed to us—and it’s a heart so loving as we’ve never seen in anyone on earth. (Except, in the person of Jesus Christ!) 

Shortly after this, the Lord calls his people back, so tenderly it brings me to tears. What kind of love is this? What kind of God is this? Surely one who is worthy of our whole hearts, and whole lives, and ALL of our trust. 

Let us stay close to His Word, that we may know his heart. Nothing is more piercing or precise for today. He knew what He was doing when He breathed out these living words. We need them. They are life to us—for they lead to HIM. That we may know HIM as He is, and not merely as we think Him to be. 🧡 He is more wonderful than I ever thought, and still far greater than I know. I cannot probe the depths of His heart, and yet, through His word and Spirit, He probes the depths of mine.
Oh, listen to what God says in Isaiah 51:5-6! 
💛 

Lift up your eyes…

“…but my salvation will be forever, 
and my righteousness will never be dismayed.”
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