After being married for seven years, my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. After three or four months of trying, we were thrilled to learn we were pregnant! Sadly, we miscarried at 14 weeks. I always pictured myself as a strong woman who wouldn’t be very emotional. So, I was surprised when I was devastated over our miscarriage, but I assumed I would move on easily and we would get pregnant again quickly.
After months and months of negative pregnancy tests, my husband and I decided to get checked out to figure out why we hadn’t conceived again. All the tests came back normal, and the doctors were unable to tell us why we hadn’t become pregnant again. For two years, I was on an emotional roller coaster. I found myself crying at unexpected times, and felt like the story of my life had been over taken by the pain and struggle of our miscarried and unexplained infertility.
As I talked about this with my spiritual director, she suggested I pray through a scripture in John where Jesus asked the disciples what they wanted from him. When I got to that part of the scripture, I asked the Lord to take away my pain and sadness from our miscarriage and infertility, and to give me joy.
The very first time I prayed that, I heard the Lord say, “I will.”
And honestly after that point, things that would have made me cry, didn’t anymore. I still longed to be pregnant but the overwhelming theme of my story was no longer pain and sadness. I truly believe God healed my heart at that point.
As we continued to try to conceive, my husband brought up adoption and foster-to-adopt. I wasn’t opposed to adopting, but I knew I couldn’t have my heart in both places and wasn’t ready to let go of my desire to become pregnant.
One Sunday my plans changed, and I was at church when I hadn’t expected to be. Our worship leaders sang Hillsong’s song, “Oceans.” During that song, I felt the Lord telling me that no matter how tough adoption would be, to keep my trust in him and He would get me through. I needed to turn all my worries and concerns over to him. I knew after that experience I was ready to move forward with adoption and put my desire for a biological child on the back burner.
We met with an adoption agency and turned in our application in September 2016 for private adoption and foster-to-adopt. They told us it could take years to be matched with a family. We completed our home study and all the required classes at the end of February 2017, and were cleared for adoption/foster-to-adopt.
Two weeks later, just as we were finishing putting together a crib in case we were called for foster care, we got a call telling us about a woman who was placing her child for adoption. We met with her and she chose us to be the family she placed her baby with! She invited us to come for doctors appointments, ultrasounds, and to be present for the birth of the baby – all things I never thought would be possible with adoption. At the end of May, our daughter was born and our family has begun to grow!
For those who wonder if God pays attention to details, He does.
In our state, birth parents have 30 days to change their mind about placing their child for adoption. The day that expired was June 30…the due date of our baby who we miscarried 3 years earlier! God is good and a day that once brought sadness will now be remembered with joy!
As I sit and write this, our beautiful daughter is sleeping on my chest. Although God’s plan for our family is not like I ever imagined it would be, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have learned to trust God and have seen His love and provision in so many ways that would not have been possible if our journey to parenthood had been different. I don’t know what our future has in store – biological children, more adopted children, or both (my hope) – I know God is good even in our times of struggle and pain. When all I saw was sadness, God saw a beautiful story that had been yet to be told.
Thank you Bethany for sharing your testimony of longing, and infertility, and how God took your sadness and turned it into joy! It really is amazing how HE is working in every detail of our lives! What an inspiring and uplifting testimony, thank you for being so raw and vulnerable with us today Bethany!
If you would like to share your testimony of how God has healed your womb, or how He has healed, or is healing your soul (whether or not you have a baby) please email me at barrentob[email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want To Share Your Testimony?” I feature a Testimony each Tuesday, you can also subscribe with your email address, or follow along on my Facebook Page.