Can I be honest? I’ve had a hard time engaging with God lately. Maybe it’s because I’m 3 weeks post-partum and I’m a little thrown off my rocker. Or, maybe it’s because it’s the dead of winter. Either way, I finally made some time–just to meet with Him.
My husband and daughter were out at a basketball game. And my newborn son had just fallen asleep.
I brewed some coffee, and opened my Bible and journal. I was trying. But…the words in my Bible just seemed to blur. And I stared instead at my blank journal.
And felt…just that.
My mind was tired from the day, and I had nothing.
I looked down at my newborn son sleeping in my lap. I studied his face. When so subtly, I heard the Lord say…
“Remember when I healed his brain?”
My heart wrenched. (To read that story click here.)
Tears filled my eyes.
And my spirit, which has felt asleep the last few weeks…suddenly awakened.
I wasn’t prepared for what came next.
“Let’s play a game,” I felt God say, “It’s called…’Remember when I…”
My heart burned. And my hands trembled.
And I opened my journal, and began..
“Remember when I heard your cry to get pregnant?”
“Remember the day you found out you were pregnant in the upstairs bathroom, and fell on your knees by the sink?”
“Remember when I provided for you and your husband?”
“Remember when I showed you which house to rent?”
“Rembember when I provided the house you have now?”
“Remember when I…”
(I know these examples may seem flat as you read this…but to me, they are deeply meaningful experiences I had with God. And there are more. More than I could share. And some, too personal to share.)
But what I want to say is…I began to remember.
All of these specific moments where He came through.
Where He showed Himself faithful.
Where He showed Himself kind.
Where He showed Himself.
Close. To me.
Presently involved in situations I didn’t know He cared about.
But He did.
And He does.
And He’s close. Closer than any of us dare to believe.
And as I wrote in my journal, as I took time to simply “remember,” a song called “Take A Moment” by Will Reagan came on. And no joke, the words were, “Take a moment to remember, who God is, and who I am…”
“Take a moment…to remember.”
I was pierced to the heart. God came through to me. Even in spite of my sleep deprivation. Even in spite of my many unspiritual thoughts lately. Even in spite of my lack of effort to draw near to Him.
He was simply inviting me…through some mysterious invitation from His Spirit, to “remember.”
We always want God to speak something new to us. We always want God to do something. To change something. And we should–after all, He is God. He invites His children to ask Him, to call upon Him day and night.
But there is something so sacred and so holy about just pausing to remember what He has already done.
The more we remember, the more we can trust Him. The more we can rest in Him. The more we know how very near He is.
David wrote, “I shall remember the deeds of the LORD;
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
I will meditate on all Your work
And muse on Your deeds.” Psalm 77: 11-12
Maybe you too have had a hard time engaging with Him lately. Maybe you aren’t sure what to read, or write, or do. And it’s okay.
Because maybe you just need to look behind you for a moment. Take a breath and see how far He has taken you. Where the road has curved and bent. Where it was dark and scary. And where He brought you through the pass. Where He met you and showed you how to walk.
Maybe you just need to sit a rock, and remember. That time. And that time. And that time.
Because He is so faithful. And the things He does…are worth remembering. This is the sacred art of remembering.
And maybe He’s whispering to your spirit tonight. Maybe He’s inviting you to play a holy game called,
“Remember when I…”
I’ve been blanking out at my computer just staring. I finally decided to check my Reader and see what someone else had been writing. And then this…
This is such divine timing. I have been missing my closeness with God that I had throughout infertility. I am beyond thankful for this miracle pregnancy, but what a GREAT reminder to focus on who He is and what He has done!!!
I needed to hear this. I’ve been struggling so much having my daily devotional. It seems like my prayers are the same every day; which are for Him to open my womb. And I cry for hours there in His presence because there’s nothing else I can say. I’ve felt so upset that I don’t spend time with Him, but it really hit me that another year went by and my arms are still empty. I feel stuck and I’ve been so focused on praying for a baby that I don’t know what else to pray for. He blesses us so much in all areas in our lives but yet there’s no baby. It eases my pain to know that I’m not the only one struggling to meet with Him.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much. Tears are streaming down my face. I needed this so much tonight. God bless you with your sweet new baby. You are doing His work.
Rachel Riebe says
How well I know that feeling – blank page, a small amount of time, a longing to meet with God but feeling like it’s so incredibly…hard. I love it when He takes our hands and says things like “hush” and “wait” and “remember”. Thanks for reminding me of a solid place to start when baby haze threatens to take over quiet time.
Rachel,I love your thoughtful reflection. Thank you for understanding friend. And walking this journey towards Him with me. <3, Rebekah