To The Woman Who Miscarried, Or Never Conceived,
I’m thinking of you today. I see you every time I look out my window, I can’t help it. There is a daffodil covered in ice. There are tree buds covered in snow. And I’m thinking of you, dear one.
Last weekend, it was warm and breezy. All the earth was coming to life. It was the celebration of resurrection, and life, it was Spring. At last. We finally started opening the windows, and breathing easier. And letting the sun hit our naked skin, hidden under sweaters and coats all winter.
We started to thaw. And feel warm again. And let laughter in.
And we cheered when we saw the daffodils push through the dirt. And my heart lept when I saw the trees finally budding through my kitchen window. For all the life bursting forth.
And one week later (that is today) it snowed.
The winds changed. The north winds blew, and the cold fronts came back unexpectedly.
And the windows slammed shut. And the young daffodils are covered with ice, and fallen low to the ground. And when I see them, I cry for you.
For the fragile beauty, fighting to survive the frost.
I cry for the life in you, that wants to survive. And the way you bend low, like the daffodil, covered with ice.
I see you in these budding trees, that were just coming alive–and are now covered with snow.
I want to tell you something:
I know you feel like this winter will never end.
That there will only ever be death, and cold.
And any life will always be choked out by unexpected northern winds.
But that’s not true.
Today is the day your Faith, becomes bigger than your feelings.
Spring will come.
However long it might take.
The frost is powerful–but it is not the most powerful thing.
Life is powerful.
Life is more powerful than death.
And Jesus is Life–and He is powerful. And I am praying He comes to life in you today. Because even when Jesus was killed–He rose from the dead.
And “The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, is living in you. And will also give life to your mortal bodies.” Romans 8:11
The death-defying power of the Spirit of God–lives in you.
I know what you might be thinking: Where was that power when I miscarried?
Where was the power when I tried to conceive?
Dear one, I don’t understand it. But it wasn’t your fault.
God is the giver of life. And He will give you life in Him.
I am praying that He raises you back to life today. That though you be like that fallen daffodil in the ice–that day will come and is coming that the sun will warm you again, and raise you up, and bring you to life.
You will stand tall and radiant in the sun.
And though your budding trees are covered with snow–
they will thaw, and live, and in time, flourish again.
And you will not be shaken. For God is with you.
So don’t fear the frost. This winter WILL end.
Spring is coming, Jesus is on the move, can you feel it?
And Summer will come. But as long as this winter lasts–do not lose heart. Direct your heart to the Lord, that you may say with great confidence,
“Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Hope says
Thank you. Read your blog 2 years ago and it touched my heart to tears of the heartache you experienced in being barren, though I was thinking my story would probably never be the same because I felt we were probably “so fertile.” Remembered your blog a couple months ago and read your post again with tears of my own heartache, as I had a similar moment of surrender and desire for God more than His gifts. 20 months and counting now am in much more of a place of peace, awaiting His hand to bring us a little life. So thankful for the life that He brings through Jesus that gives hope, peace, and comfort.
Rebekah says
Hope, I am so moved by your story. I pray He brings more fullness of life and peace with His presence. Thank you for sharing that with me, it is so precious to me to hear you look to the Lord. Much love to you, as you wait on Him. xo, Rebekah
blessed says
The winter seems to never end here in Jersey as well but my husband and I are starting our second adoption process and we feel the warmth of the Son in our hearts. We can hardly wait to discover the new life He will bring us. Thank you for sharing what’s in your heart.
Rebekah says
It’s snowing again today! But I am holding out hope that Spring is coming. Because life is always stronger than death, right? Thank you for sharing with me about starting your second adoption process! Congratulations! So excited for the LIFE God will be bringing to you. That is amazing!!! Keep in touch! 🙂
Rebekah
J. A. says
I am sitting here crying my eyes out. I should be happy. I should be grateful. I should be content. I should be… I should not be crying or feeling sorrow because I have 3 beautiful, perfect in every way children. Yet, my heart mourns for the two I lost. My last miscarriage and pregnancy was 8 years ago. I wanted that child, like all my children, desperately but they were not meant for my arms, only my heart. I cry out at times asking God why do I still mourn? Why do I want another child? My husband had a vasectomy 2 years after our miscarriage. He is content with the 3 we have. I have prayed to be content too. Please pray for me. I do not fit in the category of barren (physically) but there is a barren place in my heart. I told my husband recently, if I could have another baby I would feel like I won the lottery.
Thank you for writing. It feels good to just share my burden with someone else who knows how to pray.
God bless you and your family.