What do you DO when “it doesn’t happen” right away? (Yeah, pregnancy..)
Pick a door! Any door!
Door #1: You jump on Google searching frantically for fertility advice/treatment. Checking out books at the library (if you’re brave. And don’t live in a small town.) Or secretly order books from Amazon (if you’re like me.)
Door #2: You start a super-strict mandatory “schedule” with your spouse. (And take turns hurting each other’s feelings!) (ie. “You don’t think I’m attractive any more!” “Well, I have a headache and I’m not really in the mood.” “Do you even CARE about having a baby?” “Do you even care about ME?”)
Door #3: You rush out to Whole Foods and drop $300 on all the best “fertility increasing” foods. Or run to pharmacy and grab a fist-full of ovulation tests.
Ugh. None of these are really that fun, cheap, or promise anything.
What about pray?
Often turning to the Lord is the last thing we do when we really want something (like a baby). And (in the back of our minds) we know that God probably isn’t going to help us conceive the way the he did for the Virgin Mary. So that means finding some more “practical” options. I believe that the reason Scripture gives so little directives about this area is that God wants us to go to him. Waiting times are for intimacy with God. To really get to know Him.
The reason prayer is so vital is because:
1. It helps you to keep your perspective on the reality of God and His power. (You remember He is in control and sovereign over your life, and your womb.) The Lord opens and closes the womb.
2. It keeps unity with your spouse. (After the Lord, your spouse is your “first love.” If you are opposing your husband by using means of TTC he has a clear conviction against, you are sinning against him, and the Lord.) But to pursue this together, with a pure heart and a clear conscience can bring a sweetness and intimacy between the two of you, as you experience waiting on the Lord together.
3. It keeps you from idols (and becoming a crazy person.) Putting your focus on the Lord prevents you from becoming consumed with your desire to conceive. Like I said, desire is powerful and can drive you places you didn’t intend to go. So, when you continually surrender yourself and your desires to the Lord, you let Him become most important again.
Okay, I poke fun (now) at the three doors I listed above…but there was a time when they were my only reality. And I walked through each one, (and more!) But what is so important is that whatever “method” or “treatment” or “book” you try…be sure You have a clear conscience before the Lord and that is the route He wants you to take. (See Hebrews 13:18)
I realize the Lord may call you to “do something.” Faith and deeds can and do often work together. He will be faithful to show you what His will is for you.
In my own experience, there were times where I felt the Lord say, “Do not pursue this road,” and other times felt He said to pursue that very same road. He may lead you to completely throw out all literature on TTC, and just trust Him. He may want you to go to the doctor and begin fertility treatments. I don’t know what the Lord will call you to do. This is a personal journey for you and your spouse. God sees you, He loves you, and He cares about this. So go to Him. And I believe the Lord will reveal what His will is for you and your spouse. Stay in the Word, stay in God’s presence, stay connected with your spouse. Whatever you do, do not depart from the Lord and deprive yourself of the deepest blessings God wants to give you, when you go about it His way. May whatever road He has for you, be walked with conviction and confidence and joy.
I literally am reading this and in tears. This is exactly what i’m going thru. I and my husband are ttc and on top of that i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. So i’m feeling like my body is at a double loss. Im doing the best i can with taking the medicine the doctor has prescribed to get my body on track eating right and working out. I some how feel like thats not enough and yet im praying and letting God have his way, its just so hard. I thank you for the encouragement in your post.
I know exactly how you feel. I too have pcos and have been trying to get pregnant. I just feel like I need to do more even though I have already done so much. I beat myself up way too much. This blog is a beautiful reminder for us to put our trust in the Lord. I am so grateful that I have found it! It truly is an answer to my prayers. Like my husband told me; when we do get our babies we will love them so much because we have had to sacrifice so much to get them. Good luck to you on your journey.