About This Blog



The goal of this blog: is that you won’t be barren anymore.

What is barrenness?

Barrenness: (adj.) – an emptiness of the soul. A thirst not quenched.

A longing for something not yet received. A place of waiting. Wondering. An awareness of the “lack” of something desired. And the inability to produce it.

Let me explain.

1. Barrenness is powerful. 

It can change you. Drive you. Make you take on a new identity. For better. .Or for worse.

When I so desperately wanted a baby. I thought about it all the time. Every sermon I listened to somehow applied to it. Every song..somehow became about it. The books I was checking out of the library had it as a theme. I was aware of every baby bump that seemed to pop up out of no where all around me. Friends on baby #2 and #3..while I waited.. Brooded. And cried.

But barrenness is so much deeper than the woman who finds she cannot conceive. Barrenness, I am convinced, can appear in any area of life. Man or woman.

What do you do when you can’t have what you want? Who do you become?

Never underestimate the power of your desires.

Barrenness (a desire for fulfillment) can lead you to a desert. To a thirsty place. And like all deserts…there are mirages. Your eyes can play tricks on you. You begin to go places you never planned on going. Because you are driven by your thirst.

2. Barrenness can form a lie in your heart.

And here is the lie: If you had “this” you would be satisfied. (ie. if you had a baby) Your life would be full.

But here is the truth: There is only One Person who can fill your emptiness and make your life full. Jesus Christ.

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

When you start becoming acutely aware of your “desire” you believe that once you get what you want, that the empty feeling will stop. Like dumping water on a fire and hearing it sizzle.

But it’s more like dumping gasoline on a fire and watching it blaze even harder.

Because desire spawns more desire. Not contentment.

It’s like getting a tattoo. It’s addicting. When you get one..you want another one. Then another. Next thing you know you are covered.

Desire is like this.

3. God Loves Barren Women (Your hope!)

If you are barren, in any form. God intimately knows and actually validates through His Word, your pain. Your thirst. Much more than the sympathetic look on your OBGYN’s face.

In Scripture we see barrenness in Proverbs 30:

“Three things are never satisfied; four never say “Enough”; Sheol, the barren womb, the land never satisfied with water, and the fire that never says, “Enough.”  Proverbs 30:15b-16

Okay, you have the “barren” womb sharing a bed with: Sheol (Hell), the parched desert, and an unquenchable fire. (SIde note: if “barrenness” has brought any agony into your life, your marriage, your heart…do you feel slightly more validated now??)

Although God feels your pain, He doesn’t want you living in it. He doesn’t want you to make an identity out of it. Scripture calls barrenness is one of three things “never satisfied.” So is that the end for you?

No. God does something totally unprecedented. He says, (to you!)

“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
 For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord.  Isaiah 54:1

Okay, we will discuss this much more later on. But God basically just wheeled in the DJ stand to the funeral going on in your heart. God is saying, “Rejoice! I have something for you! Even better. Even more than what you want!”

But do you really believe that?

The Waiting

Here you are. I don’t care if you’ve been barren for a month, or eighteen years. What will you do in this waiting place? Will you estrange yourself from God? Distance yourself from anyone who has what you so desperately want? Become consumed in thinking about, reading about, dreaming about your longing?

Or. Do you surrender?

What I’ve learned in my own experience through barrenness is this:  Barrenness is a catalyst for finding real beauty. Barrenness puts you in a position to be surrendered fully to God. To trust fully in Him. And to rest in His plan for your life.

That’s what this blog is about. The waiting. And how to spend it. I hope we can spend it together. Because the waiting room is so valuable. God has you right here for a reason. Nothing is outside His control. And He is more intimately involved than you can see right now. He wants to form something beautiful out of your ashes. The pain is real. And he knows it. But so is the power. So is the beauty. He will open your eyes to see Him. You may be on the brink of the deepest intimacy with God you have ever experienced.

“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
 be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
 for you will forget the shame of your youth,
 and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.” Isaiah 54:4

He says: You will not be ashamed. You will not be disgraced. You will not be embarrassed. I may or may not give you the thing the fire in your soul rages after…but I will give you Myself. And You will not walk away from here empty, barren, or thirsty.

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I love to hear your thoughts...

  1. I just recently found your blog, and was so happy to find someone who is going through the same thing, i just started my blog to help encourage people who may be going through infertility, the Lord has put it on my heart to be an encouragement, to tell me story of infertility, and to trust him to use it to his glory. Thank you for your blog, i will continue to follow you on your post, and am excited that you are blessed with a daughter as i have read some of your more recent entries.

  2. Wow!!! I hope you know what a blessing this was to me and my husband. We are currently serving in the mission field in the South Pacific and believing for a baby it’s been a little over a year since we have been trying. I found your blog yesterday right after I cried out to God for strength and support. I have been praying for Godly encouraging friends to help me in this process and then I read your blog! So thank you;)

    • Hey, I’m so glad you found me! This is the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. Infertility was a long and lonely road for us, and not something you want to talk about with just anyone! Please know God is with you in this desperate place. I know it probably feels like forever. But I pray God reveals Himself to you in ways like never before. And that He stirs your hunger for Him. I pray for you and your husband that you won’t despair. And that He will fill your desires. In His time, and in His way. Thank you so much for sharing. I really do remember so clearly what it was like to be in that waiting place. Any of the posts in the TTC column are about infertility subjects (if you didn’t see that yet.) May God speak to you gently and show you His beauty, even in the midst of the barrenness.

  3. Thank you for following me at wildflowermom.com! I truly love your writing. It’s so uniquely beautiful and powerful. It’s rewarding to share our writings as joyful and yet struggling Christian moms. God bless!