I married my high school sweetheart and while getting married at age 19 certainly would pose its share of challenges, I was no stranger to the valleys and desert places we can find ourselves in when God’s plan doesn’t seem to fit with the expectations we set in our hearts. My mom went to be with Jesus when I was 15, and through that loss God revealed his unconditional and unwavering love for me when I met the man who would be my future spouse that same year.
Fast forward 3 years after our wedding and with the same feelings I had when the Lord told me who I would marry, I had a dream I was pregnant and that my husband and I needed to stop using birth control and begin on our journey to start a family. I was 22, my husband 23, both of us pretty fresh out of university and trying to navigate our career paths and definitely not in the world’s eyes “ready” for kids; however, I did not question God’s voice and neither did my husband since we had seen his goodness when we stepped out in faith.
That dream of being pregnant was in December of 2012, and I still remember at Christmas in my stocking my husband gave me a gift certificate for a maternity clothing store and I couldn’t have been more thrilled! While it was just a little folded up piece of paper, for me, it was a gesture that meant my husband trusted in what God had said to me and that he was ready for this new season.
I describe that first year of “trying” as having emotional bumps. Not necessarily roller coaster type feelings, but just that hopefulness that the next month would be the month. A year and a half after trying for a baby, the focus on having a family actually began to get fuzzy, as we were facing totally unrelated health complications for my husband. By the summer of 2015, he was at the point where working even part-time was almost unbearable due to the pain in his knees. He had started his own company the previous year and God knew he would need the flexibility to be able to take off as much time as he would need to get a diagnosis and hopefully find healing.
As Psalm 136 says, “His faithful love endures forever” and by the spring of 2016 my husband was back working full-time. Through those couple years, I remember holding on to the scripture in Ecclesiastes 3 that says there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven, and through many tears shed over the pages of my journal, I knew this season would end and a new one would begin, one that would include a baby.
At the end of 2015, we had already decided that since it had been 3 years of trying to conceive without any success it would be wise to begin looking into why we hadn’t got pregnant. So throughout 2016, we went for numerous tests and were eventually put on a path that would lead to IVF.
As I write this I am days away from finding out if we are pregnant through the IVF journey we have been on. Yet, while we have expectant hearts for a new life to come into our home, I have discovered in the past 5 years that God’s plan is not for my story to end with saying that “God has blessed us with a child (whether it be through IVF or not) and that God can do it for you too.”
Instead, my story is one that speaks to what you learn and how you grow in the waiting.
My story is one that speaks to what you learn and how you grow in the waiting.
We live in a culture where waiting is not valued, time is of the essence and “wait times” create frustration and angst. For me, it has been in the waiting where Jesus has spoken to me and told me I am his beloved, that his timing is perfect. There is a song by Bethel Music, called “Take Courage” and I have soaked in God’s presence as I have listened to it many times, maybe you have, too. It goes,
“Slow down take time
Breathe in He said
He’ll reveal what’s to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
And He’ll reveal all to come
Take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting, he’s in the waiting
Hold onto your hope, as your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing, He’s never failing
You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep Your promise to me
That I will rise in Your victory”
It’s easy to be discontent in the waiting and to feel that you will only be able to say, “He is good,” when the victory comes. However, I believe what you do and how you respond in the waiting can actually be just as powerful of a testimony as when you tell others about the miracle you received.
I was recently listening to a sermon where the pastor was speaking on David’s victory over Goliath and the preacher said, “When bravery and faithfulness meet, miracles are often the result.” Bravery and faithfulness are choices I must make every day so I am not shaken by the waves of doubt, grief, and the longing desires of my flesh.
Daily, God meets me in the waiting and I know I will be waiting on a countless number of things for the rest of my life, so I will find true rest and joy as He weaves together testimony after testimony of his goodness and faithfulness in my waiting so I can encourage others in theirs.
UPDATE: Praise the Lord! Ruth sent this testimony several months ago, and since then, Ruth has become pregnant, she recently confirmed she is now 11.5 weeks pregnant. It is amazing how God truly works in the “waiting periods” of our lives.
Amen Ruth! Thank you for sharing your testimony on how to wait, in the hard times and in the most gracious way. When God doesn’t answer our prayers as soon as we hope, it doesn’t mean He still isn’t there for us, it doesn’t mean He is choosing to ignore us, but like you said, it becomes a time to find true rest and joy as He weaves together testimony after testimony of his goodness and faithfulness. And now, Congratulations on this little blessing you’ve been praying for!
If you would like to share your testimony of how God has healed your womb, or how He has healed, or is healing your soul (whether or not you have a baby) please email me at barrentob[email protected] and check out the writer’s guidelines at “Want To Share Your Testimony?” You can also subscribe with your email address, or follow along on my Facebook Page.