[Before you read this testimony, you need to know, Robin is a personal friend of mine. While she was experiencing infertility, I had asked her if she would be willing to help me format the testimonies that so many women were submitting to Barren to Beautiful. The crazy part is, she was the person who was handling all the testimonies of miracles–while waiting for a miracle of her own. God was faithful to her, and I am honored today for her to at last share her very own testimony.] <3
Do you ever feel like writing? I’m not someone who journals or keeps a diary, but there are days where I could just write a book on Facebook, or pull up my Gmail, and write each of my family members an email detailing how much I really love them, and how they’ve affected me. I used to write into poetry contests as a kid, because I really do enjoy getting my thoughts out on paper, but as I grew up and went through college, I found myself busier, and with my downtime, I never really pulled out my journals to write…I wish I had. Anyhow, I feel like God uses us through writing, and so today, I want to share my story. I hope some of you can relate.
Alright, let’s all say a prayer that I get my thoughts organized here and that I can portray them in an organized and neat manner. I can be very scatterbrained sometimes.
I met my husband back in 2013 (isn’t it funny how I’m only referring to 5 years ago, but still I’m like “back in the day”?) One of the first things that drew me to him was his sense of humor and his laid back spirit. We took time to get to know one another before meeting each others families or making it “official,” but when he did finally invite me to travel with him to meet his family, I was able to see how he was so intertwined with his family and how he really truly had a place in his heart for his nieces and his nephew. He played with them and joked with them; he told me stories about when they used to stay with him for a weekend and he would take them out to breakfast. I always knew I wanted kids in my future, but wasn’t sure if it would be part of the future God had planned for me.
After we got married, we decided that we would wait a couple years before starting a family, and I never even considered the possibility that it might be a difficult thing to do. I definitely just walked into marriage thinking, “Well, when we want kids, it will just happen.”
We took time to ourselves, traveled to Cozumel a few times, (if you’ve never been, I highly suggest it!) We made some updates to our home, traveled to Washington D.C. to visit my parents, fostered a pit bull who became part of our family (and, we still miss that guy.) And then, we started to actually “try.” Each month, we would try. Remember when I said I thought it would “just happen?”
Now, have you ever been so deep in the trenches of infertility? Or not even “infertility,” but maybe you’re praying without ceasing for a cure or healing from illness, you’re patiently waiting, but you’re running out of patience. Perhaps it is for God to step into your situation with pregnancy though, if you’ve been praying for that one “Christmas Gift”, or have been waiting to announce to your family, that this year for your birthday, you get to make the announcement you’ve wanted to make for years…. Or maybe you have the “Pinterest Perfect” fall announcement picked out for if you’re pregnant by the fall, with a pumpkin, inside of a pumpkin, sharing the exciting news of your pregnancy.
That was me. I had the ideas flowing for if we were pregnant by my birthday, or maybe an “egg-celent” idea for if we found out by Easter! Then it was time for ideas more centered around July 4th and fireworks, followed by pumpkins/leaves/turkeys. I was a Pinterest “expert” when we were trying. But it was more than that. I became obsessed.
My husband and I grew very stressed around the topic of pregnancy, and each time I suggested we try again, I was only reminded of how obsessed I had become around calendars, ovulation, timing, age, and everything except for Gods hand in all of it. It is so easy to become fixed on things like marriage, pregnancy, our health/fitness, and finances, and to dive into Google, or to search on Pinterest, different books, and try to find resources to help fix, or improve these areas of our lives, and put God on the back-burner,—and I fell into that trap.
God was right there with me, holding me, I know he was, because he gave me Rebekah Fox (the author of this page, Barren to Beautiful) and through her, I began to help her format the testimonies that many women shared. I know God was right next to me because through following this Barren to Beautiful Facebook page, I walked through the, “Yet I Will Rejoice: Infertility Bible Reading Plan,” (written by Kristy Iskander from Organic Christian Living) in November 2017 with the Barren to Beautiful community of women, and the bible verses that were shared and that I read through that plan were so life changing and so refreshing to me.
My attitude took a 180-degree shift through doing that plan. I remember my thoughts were more about how God wasn’t helping us to get pregnant, and I began to feel open to the possibility of fostering or adoption, and I remember the next month I was going to look into more information on both of those resources in our area. But over the holidays when I read that Infertility Bible Reading plan, my mindset became more of a thankful and praise-filled attitude, than a “Why won’t you? Where are you? When will this happen for us?” attitude. John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
I remember on New Year’s Eve, my husband and I were at a celebration, and I think we came home before the ball dropped so we could celebrate by ourselves and then hit the hay before it got too late. (When did I get soo old?!) We took a picture that night, and I will always treasure that picture of the two of us, because little did we know it, but our little baby girl was just beginning to form inside of my body and inside of our hearts at that moment.
I had been feeling queasy over the Christmas spent with family, and I remember asking my mom to help me fix my hair when I was at her house because I felt so nauseous. I think I had even turned some of my favorite foods down, and thought to myself how odd it was that I had done that…numerous times. I love food. So anyway, I went to bed on the night of New Year’s Eve, and prayed again that “this year” would be “our year” to have another little person join our family, and right as I prayed that, I thought to make sure I took a test that week. So, two days later, and six “I think it’s positive” pregnancy tests later, I went out to buy one of the more expensive and accurate tests to help me out.
So, seven positive pregnancy tests later, and many anxious Google searches, texts, thoughts and prayers, I finally told my husband I was pregnant–and he was thrilled! We immediately made an appointment to confirm the pregnancy “once again,” because we had been trying for long enough, that I really didn’t believe anyone telling me that I was pregnant. It was truly a miracle. Our God is a God of miracles, he can deliver us from any selfish attitude we may be dealing with, and He is the Ultimate Creator of all beautiful life.
Just in the last few days, as I decorate our home for Everleigh’s (my 3 month-old, PRAISE JESUS!) first Christmas, I ponder the months that I spent wondering where God was, and now I know: God was beside me the entire time. He was walking with Chris and I, even when we didn’t feel Him in our marriage, He was right there, just waiting for us to lean into Him and hold His hand to get through. Now, when I watch as my daughter lights up at the sight of twinkly lights on the Christmas tree, I think, Jesus probably wants us to light up and get JUST AS EXCITED about Him, as a child gets excited about twinkly lights.
If you would like to join the Barren to Beautiful Facebook page, or the Barren to Beautiful Community (a closed Facebook group) please click on the links to join! Also, please feel free to check out the “Yet I Will Rejoice: Bible Reading Plan” from Organic Christian Living! Also, check out many other testimonies of other women under the “Testimony” tab, or you can read my own testimonies of infertility here.