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    • In Response to “Does Missions Separate Families?”
    • Christmas is for Desperate People
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Barren to Beautiful

“Do Not Be Offended By Me,” A Story of Stillbirth and the Goodness of God

“Do Not Be Offended By Me,” A Story of Stillbirth and the Goodness of God

Guest Posts· Infertility· Motherhood· Pregnancy· to the barren soul

In the few days between learning that Noah had died and giving birth to his lifeless body, I awakened throughout the night, unable to sleep, knowing that my child had passed away in my womb. During those nights, God filled my mind with Scriptures and songs. And I kept hearing that phrase, “Do not be offended by me.”

Listen to my “Made for Hope” Podcast Interview

Listen to my “Made for Hope” Podcast Interview

Blooms in the Desert· Infertility· Secondary infertility· Trying to conceive

In this episode, we talk openly about the unexpected struggle of infertility. The despair, lonliness, and confusion–but also how the Lord met me in an unexpected and powerful way. I share how the Lord pursued me, spoke to me, and showed me more of who He was, so that my eyes could be opened to His beauty. (I also share ways you can support and honor a friend walking through infertility.) So, please tune into our conversation, I believe it will encourage your heart, no matter what season you are in.

Get My FREE Gratitude Journal: Blooms in the Desert

Get My FREE Gratitude Journal: Blooms in the Desert

Blooms in the Desert· Infertility

That’s why I’ve created this FREE Gratitude Journal for you to download and start today! It’s called, “Blooms in the Desert: A gratitude journal to help you find the beauty of God right where you are.” It’s a simple way to begin the practice of thanking God for the little things in your life–especially if you are in a difficult season, and aren’t sure how to start.

How to drop the dread, and embrace hope this fall

How to drop the dread, and embrace hope this fall

Culture· Growing in God· Truth for your soul

Because no matter what else happens this crazy year–Jesus already knows about it. And whether the sky comes crashing down in giant flaming pieces, or the mountains burst apart and fall into the heart of the sea, or world war breaks out to the ends of the earth, or (I could list A LOT of my worst case scenarios here…but I will spare you the details of my own crazy mind.) The point is, no matter what happens, Jesus promises this:
“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28
No one will snatch them out of my hand.

Listen to my Audio Infertility Wilderness Story

Listen to my Audio Infertility Wilderness Story

Infertility

Are you thirsty?

Are you restless?

I was.

Especially in the season of infertility. I was trying my HARDEST to read scripture, and to hope in the Lord…

but my soul was all over the place. And pretty soon, I found myself in a dry, barren season of the soul.

The wilderness.

And no one could save me from it.

Except, Jesus.

You see, something about Jesus, is that He is not afraid to enter wildernesses. He is not afraid of the dry, barren places within us. He’s not afraid of our hard questions, or tears.

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Hi, I’m Rebekah Fox.

I was once a barren woman. I had a barren womb, and a very barren soul. But God saw me in my barrenness--and He delivered me. Not only of a barren womb, but a barren soul, too. He opened my eyes to His beauty all around me. And every day, I need Him to do it again, in my heart, and in my spirit. To take me from Barren to Beautiful. Because I am weak, and broken, and sinful, but He--He is beautiful. If the Spirit has led you here, perhaps He wants to take your barrenness away--and birth something more beautiful than you ever imagined.

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barrentobeautiful

I help women struggling with infertility to hope in God and allow Him to transform them from barren to beautiful—on the inside. 🌸
#hopewriter

Rebekah Fox
I found my way back to this piano tonight. I’m n I found my way back to this piano tonight. I’m not sure how I did. After a conversation with some writing friends and tears and prayer, I found myself here. Pressing the keys, the way you press on someone’s chest to revive them, to make the breath come back. I began singing the song God gave me in the midst of my barrenness. All the questions and longings of my soul were wrapped in these lyrics. And did you know He didn’t promise me a baby? Rather, He promised me His Spirit. He promised me: Himself.

I sang these words as He gave them to me,
“Barren, barren for all to see,
Barren, but He’s still beautiful to me.
I prayed for a baby,
For the start of new life,
Though I barely know how to be a good wife.
The doctors say, they don’t know what to do,
But I know in your sovereign will You’ll choose
To give me life. 

And then You say,
“There’s Someone living inside you,
Though not a child tucked inside your womb,
But it’s My Holy Spirit who conquered Jesus’ tomb,
He’s alive, He’s alive, He’s alive
Hear Him roar,
And you’re alive, you’re alive 
More than ever before 

Do you trust Me, honey?
In My time, in My way,
When your womb is barren,
And your hands are empty?”

It was that song that healed me. I laid on the hardwood floor and wept. Tears like streams running through a very dry desert.

I would say this piano has caught many tears. It’s heard my voice crack and cry. It’s been my altar of surrender. A place I draw near to God, and He draws near to me.

But it’s rare I sit here these days. Three children later, the keys are chipped. But tonight I sat here, and just played this old song He gave me 10 years ago. I gently pressed the keys…and felt the breath come back. The wind of His Spirit. And I remembered. How He met me. I remembered that He meets me still. And I can still hear Him sing.

Truth is, it’s not this piano, it’s the God who breathes life into barren and bereaved and broken women. It’s God whose Spirit is alive, and makes us alive. It’s the Spirit who gives life. And tonight I’m singing, 
“He’s alive, He’s alive, He’s alive, hear Him roar,
And you’re alive, you’re alive more than ever before.”
🤍
#ttc
Isn’t this the most beautiful promise in the wor Isn’t this the most beautiful promise in the world? And it’s going to come true.

“He will swallow up death forever.” 

Isn’t this what we most deeply long for?

I long for this for my friend whose baby died during childbirth.

I long for this as our family still grieves the loss of my father in law.

I long for this as I try to secure a healthy future for myself—because at the bottom of it, I’m just really afraid to die. 

I worry about my kids dying.

Myself dying. My husband dying.

I think about it every time we buckle into the minivan.

Every time we go on a trip. 

If I’m honest, I think about dying a lot.

Every day.

Am I the only one?

The point is not whether that’s a healthy or unhealthy fear. God knows. But here is what I want to say, what I want to proclaim to myself, and to you:

“He will swallow up death forever.” Isaiah 25:8

Oh, how I long for the day!

But His promise is even more full:

“and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken.” Isaiah 25:8

A day is coming when the LORD will swallow up death forever. And He will wipe, with a warm and tender thumb the tears from our faces. He will wipe the reproach and shame away. And it goes on:

“It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God: we have waited for him,
that he might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” Isaiah 25:9

My sisters, if your heart tightens with the headlines and text messages and health scares…take heart.

A day is coming when…

He will swallow up death forever.

And the LORD God will wipe away tears from all faces.

And shame and reproach will be wiped away from the earth. 

And on that day, no matter what trouble, horror, sickness, tragedy befall us—-we will cry out before His throne, with warm and happy tears,

“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” Isaiah 25:9

Our God is coming. And when he does:

He will swallow up death forever.

Hallelujah.

Come, Lord Jesus.

#barrentobeautiful
🌿 and now my soul needs to put into practice my 🌿
and now my soul needs to put into practice my sole ambition: to know Him.

today I will begin a 40 day [break] from social media.

the thing is, I like it here. I like reading everyone’s beautiful posts. But there is something that happens when I hear too many voices, even good and beautiful ones. I stop craving His.

His real, living, breathing Voice.

I’ve learned scrolling affects my soul. I don’t understand the science behind it. I don’t know why, but I know it does.

I need to take measured breaks. For me, that looks like deleting social media apps for set dates. 📅 

I lay them down, to behold Him. I withdraw from the crowd, to seek Him in the quiet place.

You’re welcome to join me.🌿

From now, until February 18.
That’s 40 days.

Yes, I did this in the summer. It was so restorative.

Right now, it’s quiet midwinter. But I think there’s life here. In Him.

My husband wrote a song with these words 10 years ago, and I still hold them in my spirit:

“Let Your voice be all I hear,

Let your words fall like fire.”

I want to draw near to His fire. Not only His light, but His warmth.

I pray you find respite in Him, too. A warm glowing brightness that only comes from Him—and cannot be found in a thousand of the best posts, or books, or videos, or people—but only in Him.

To find Him.

To know Him.

Brandon Lake sings, “I lay down every treasure, for us to be together.”

Amen.

Maybe for you it’s not social media, but something else. Would you lay it down, to know Him?
To solely seek Him, and Him alone.
To be satisfied in Him, and Him alone.

May we sprint, towards Him, with the cold winter wind blowing in our faces, and the tears burning in our eyes, to know Him.

To know Him. 🌿

Becoming like Him in His death, so as by some means, becoming like Him in His resurrection.

He is worthy.🌿

#toknowHim #soulcare #jesus
I went to Starbucks this morning and tried not to I went to Starbucks this morning and tried not to cry. I don’t come here often—anymore. This used to be one of my favorite places to slip away and write, or think.
What made want to cry is that the place was empty. Totally empty. 
Save the baristas bustling behind the counter.
But I used to not be able to find a seat in this Starbucks. It was crowded with friends meeting for coffee, med students studying for exams.

That’s when it hit me.
The world is different now.
I think what made me feel the weight of it even more was—I drove to this Starbucks last night looking for a little sanity. My sweet husband could see the blank stare on my face and told me to go, “Take a break.”
It was 7:30 pm on a Friday night. I wondered if I would even be able to find a seat. When I pulled in, the coffee shop was dark. The cold, snowy parking lot looked like a ghost town.

People aren’t gathering like they used to. Not that it’s bad, just different. 

As I sat in the empty Starbucks lobby this morning, the thing I noticed was the baristas were busy—the drive through line was a mile long. And people did come in, but it was only to pick up mobile orders and quickly go.
The world is different now.
There is less physical togetherness.
We have become more isolated. I have.
I need to look up from my phone more, at the faces around me.
All of us (me included) are staring into a screen, more than eyes.

But eyes are beautiful.

I came to this Starbucks last Sunday afternoon with my husband, Brandon. And I sat across from him and sipped coffee and we talked and laughed. And he was telling me about something, but I can’t remember, because all I remember is that his eyes looked so green. I didn’t want to stop looking at them. Sometimes his green eyes feel like the land on a map, when I’ve been lost at sea. His eyes matched the green wall behind him perfectly. (Yes, the one in this picture.) That’s what color my husbands eyes are. Except more bright and beautiful. And steady. Like land.

This is your encouragement today, to look up. To look into the eyes of your family. And your friends. And to love them. And linger. And get lost in them a little.

That you may find each other.
Again.❤️
Pondering this.🌿 I’ve been savoring the pages Pondering this.🌿 I’ve been savoring the pages of this book, “Deeper,” by Dane Ortland, same author as “Gentle + Lowly.” 

This is the time of year I’m tempted to trust (again) in my flesh. In my heart. (Which is deceitful above all else—Jeremiah 17). I’m tempted to judge everything on the surface, from what my eyes can see. I have 10 healthy cookbooks out from the library. Most of which I haven’t opened, and with ingredients I don’t even know how to pronounce. I’m trying to be healthy and safe and sane. And organized. And better. And all the things.

But there is something deeper.

There is the “appearance” of things.

And then, there is the true “substance” of things.

Jesus’ eyes are like flames of fire. He sees straight through to our hearts. Always. Nothing is hidden from His sight.

Does that invoke His wrath? Or compassion? 

And ambitions aren’t bad. But I’m finding a deeper invitation, as I shared in my last post: 

to know Him.

“Find Me,” He whispers.

I’m the summer He asked me to lay down social media—to find Him. To spend my time with Him, spend my tears on Him, tell Him my questions and fears. 

So much of the Christian life can be spent talking about Him, or talking past Him, rather than talking to Him.

I encourage you to:

Talk to Him. 

Not about Him.
Not for Him.

Talk to Him.

I know it’s easier, and safer, and sometimes even more satisfying to run to the screen. And type.

I’m guilty of this. Right now. But there is a different kind of communion (notice the word union) when you write in your journal. A different kind of sloppiness. Jaggedness. Honesty. Perhaps even more sappy? 

But it doesn’t matter. Because that place is secret and sacred. Because that is where you talk to Him.

Not about Him.
Or for Him.

And I happen to think He loves it. When we don’t try to sound brilliant or profound. Or witty. When we sound just like a junior high girl writing in her diary. With scribbles and hearts and colored pens. 

Do you remember that place? I often forget. But I want to find my way back to that place. Don’t you? 

That I may be more undignified than this. 

To know Him. 

Keep going friends.

To know Him.

There is no greater thing.
I’ve felt very non-ambitious this year. I usuall I’ve felt very non-ambitious this year. I usually have a “word” or a vision, or a grand goal. Perhaps I’m getting older, more bitter? Jaded perhaps? Maybe it’s too many failures and not enough victories that make me want to crumple up any former dreams and trash them?

Perhaps it’s grief that reared it’s dragon head this time last year, as we prayed for my father in law to be healed. And he wasn’t. At least, not on this side of heaven.

Last year I set out to write my book, and found myself writing obituaries instead. Crying behind a computer screen.

And a world that felt more harsh and jagged than it used to. I’m feeling like I know how to tread here, less and less.

I’m not sure why there’s a good dose of angst in me this year toward making “resolutions.” But there is one I am making. One that seems to rise above all my ambitions, desires, and idols.

And that is: to know Him. 

What else is there? Really.

Paul crushed it. He crushed all the goals. All the religious and righteous goals. And do you know what he finally saw them as? Rubbish. Garbage.

“To know Him.”

Became all that mattered.
The one surpassing greatness.

He said, “I will put no confidence in the flesh.”

He said, that though his righteousness was “flawless” according to the law, he said he was “the chief of all sinners.” And “wretched man that I am! Who can save me from this body of death?” (Romans)

Why?
Did he just need a clap on the back? A little confidence boost?

No. Paul despaired of himself, only that He could glory in Christ. Instead of staking his hope and feelings on the rollercoaster of his own accomplishments, he threw them all off to hope only in the finished work of Christ.

If you’re feeling somewhat blah about setting goals, it’s not necessarily a bad thing or a mental health crisis. It could be that you are tired of putting your confidence in the flesh. Because you’ve seen where this takes you. Often puffed with pride or down with shame and despair. 

“To know Him” is the only ambition I can grab onto this year. Whether I’m cleaning a toilet, changing a poopy diaper, unloading the dishwasher, etc.

To know Him.

The one surpassing greatness. Is simply this:

To know Him.
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